SaD 4 EvEr

2011-05-31T15:40:00.000-07:00

It hurts my heart to know that I no longer hold a place in your heart.

2011-04-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

Please define stupid and useless. The definition of stupid and useless is Jennifer Lee Xue Yi. I have already lost all the knowledge I have learned all these years. All my knowledge of science, mathematics, history, social studies and languages are all gone. What do I do?? I am completely stupid, useless and not talented at anything. What the fuck am I? A fucking ugly dumbass! Should I pursue back the knowledge I have lost? Then I need at least 8000 fucking dollars just to go to a private school for 10 months. Fuck! Money is everything in this fucking unfair world.

Sorry for the profanities above. Because I am fucking way too angry with the world and myself.

2011-04-15T04:40:00.000-07:00

I just cried looking at the computer monitor for 15 minutes. Am I crazy or just having PMS? Completely exhausted after crying like there's no tomorrow. And I really wanna say sorry to my mommy because I scolded her for nothing. (Well it's not really nothing, just something trivial and she's totally not at fault. Shall not explain further because I don't want to make me look very bad to you. haha.. =P) HEY Jennifer Lee Xue Yi!!! Please learn how to control your damn bad temper!!!!! Flaring up and losing your cool won't do you any good.

Recently my dear mommy has been asking me, " If I am no longer around you, will you be able to take care of yourself ?" I couldn't answer her because this question hit me really hard. After she left me alone in my room I started to weep. It makes me realize that I should really cherish her and those who care for me.

Dear Mom

I want to say so many things;
I don't know how to start.
I want to capture and describe
The feelings of my heart.

But words are so inadequate
To tell you how I feel
That scarcely any thing I say
Will my True thoughts reveal.

Just let it now suffice to say
That deep inside I know
My love for you is something
That I never will outgrow.

Your many special traits will always
In my heart combine
In such a way that you alone
A perfect mom define.

Your warmth and caring are the traits
That I am proudest of.
My future's brighter through
The fine example of your love.

Bruce B. Wilmer

I really love you, mommy!

2011-03-05T04:35:00.000-08:00

I cried and sighed looking at myself, the poor state I am in. I used up all my willpower, waiting for a full recovery. So tiring. It seems impossible for me to attain a full recovery because I will always have a relapse whenever I am about to be fully recovered. Maybe having cancer is better than this shit I am having. The recovery time of cancer may take up to several months or years, but at least it's curable in some sense. How long is the recovery time of my condition? INDEFINITE!! Any changes in environment or lifestyle could trigger a relapse. And there are so many things to abstain from. How long can I still hold on?

2011-02-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

No working experience, no social experience, no degree, no talent, no look. What can a person without all these but a million flaws do? A cleaner, a sluggard,a bitch or better off be a corpse? FUCK FUCK FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE!!

2011-01-30T23:09:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's because of all these small illnesses that make me feel depressed. Please god, although I'm a free thinker. Please let me die straightaway and not let me suffer these small illnesses.

2011-01-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

Depression. Dependent, independent... I don't need you, you don't need me. I will try not to care.

all the same

2010-05-13T05:48:00.000-07:00

Why compare us with others? What had you done that cause us to be like this? You blame me because I don't go to school, but it's not entirely my fault. I really want to tell you that you let me suffer those emotional stress for more than 5 years. I gave up on myself is because I can't persevere anymore. I can't handle my mom coming in late at night to complain to me about you while I'm studying, and I end up crying. Yet now you are asking me this question, 'you have quite a good brain but why aren't you using it?'. How am I suppose to answer?

You keep on saying that you are innocent of it. But your actions and behavior don't seems to be reflecting it. You deny is because we don't have evidence, it's not that we don't have it's just that we don't want to find. There's something I'm pretty sure which is it'll be the end if we go find it. Due to various conditions we just can't end this kind of relationship.

Who'll ever want to lead such an abnormal life like mine? I can't go out as I wanted I have to stay at home to play psychological warfare. Having to weep quietly and feel my skull to the brink of ripping apart..

So don't ever compare us to others. Because they are in a different condition. It's very unfortunate because I meet you in this life. As I go off one day, I'll bring you with me too to curb the pain they suffer.

Sitting silently in the wind, I can feel myself vanishing.

2010-05-08T04:32:00.000-07:00

Breakdown again due to long suppressed feelings. Cried for almost half an hour. I doubt no one will ever know why I cried. There are less concerned or I am unable to open up my heart?

Sometimes I really wish that I can be able to go out without having to think and worry about 'something'. Because of it I am only able to go out on Tuesday and Friday.

I may look happy on my appearance but the fact is that I am actually very sad deep inside my heart. For the time being I am only running away from my problems. I am not facing it because I really don't know what should I do. You all did gave me advice but it's easier saying than done. I want to come out of this situation which I let myself in yet I can't. I want to do something but I still have to think about financial condition and this kind of father I have.

Having a dream and being able to achieve it is only for the rich? I have to agree to it for 90%. Because they don't have to worry so much if they are unable to achieve it as they still have their parents as back up. And they are able to achieve it easier even if they are not talented in that area as they can pay for lessons which are very expensive to learn and get training. But for those in the middle class or the poor, they can't afford to fail at all. Because you stake everything you had to get lessons but unable to achieve it. Not only the time you have wasted also the money you stake in will be gone too. Having to restart will be very difficult for them. Even worse is that some of them are unable to get trained at all due to financial condition. So the only way to achieve it is to be very talented or pray for lady luck to be with them.
The conclusion I have is that the rich only need 25% of luck or even lesser to achieve their dream. The rest of the percentage is the talent that they trained themselves to have. For the poor they need 75% or more on luck, sometimes 100% hoping that they are born with the talent or brain.

The above paragraph is solely from my point of view.

When things come to an end, it might marks the end of my life journey too. While waiting for it to end, I hope during this times lady luck will find me and give me some reasons to carry on with this journey of mine.

2010-01-29T11:07:00.000-08:00

Since 9 years old my dreams is to become a model or singer/celebrity. At the age of 14 I know my dream to become a model won't come true because I am too short. How I wish I can grow 15 cm taller.

The reason why I joined choir during sec 1 was because I wish to become a singer. But I think I am dreaming too much? I can't sing all those high notes except for low. So it's still dreaming after all.

I got to admit that I love attention from a lot of people that's why I always love to be in any leadership position it's just that I am shy to admit it and always say no to it.

Then the next is to become a pilot. But now I am so scare of studying and I can't do it without a certificate. Why am I dreaming too much?

so all those audition should I go?

2010-01-29T09:49:00.000-08:00

What do you wanna me to do? Do you think that you are the only one in agony? Don't you know how my brain and heart hurts? don't you know how hard I cried when I am alone in my dark room..

Is everything that's happening all my fault? you hate the way I lead my life then do you think I like it? I hate it so much that I wish I could end it and because of you I tried my best to carry on with this damn life.

2010-01-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

Why is there all kind of deadline? why are you all forcing me? who will not want a bright future? but at least let me carry on with my damn life with confidence first. I also wonder what am I doing.

I really hate myself to think about all my dream. why am I doing all this? why can't I force myself to study. when deadline comes will I be dead too?

2010-01-13T12:31:00.000-08:00

now I am blogging using my phone via wi fi..just a while ago, I was hugging my pooh bear sleeping.. There was quite a commotion outside my room. Because the school counsellor comes to my home alright about this point I tell myself not to be angry about it.. as I really hate people coming to my house. But without her coming I think I won't be able to see my father's acting in action again..

what a hypocrite he is.. I am still wondering how is he able to complain to others how bad is my mother and I.. saying that my mother never do any housework I really feel like rushing out from my room and give he a tight slap then ask him why do all his clean clothes come from. And I really want to ask him who have cause my family to become like this? it's him who make everything turns out to be like this! what had he done outside for the past 10-11 years? I know clearly that he won't admit to his wrongdoings so there's really no point arguing with him as he's someone who won't want to lose in an argument. how long had he been verbally abusing us I think he won't admit to this too. I know I am not a judge who can decide who's wrong but from everything that had happen I really hate him. Why's the attitude toward us is like this? over this ten years it had change from bad to worst..

and just now he even told the counsellor that he did ask me to go to school. what a joke man! he had never talk to us like for 3 weeks yet he can say all this. HYPOCRITE!

I really hate humans in this world except for my mom, brother and a few friends. Whoever that hurts my mother or scold my mother will get it from me because I really love her a lot.

2010-01-11T14:37:00.000-08:00

Why do I have this kind of father? Why is he making me to hate him so much? why is it that you become such a heartless bastard?

when the day come I will stab you to death and commit suicide.. We will perish together. I won't let you to have a happy time with those bitch.

2010-01-02T10:14:00.000-08:00

It seems like everybody is fine and happy without me in their life. After all I am not that important, it's a fact that I will try to accept.

"I can't live without you" , I think in this pathetic life of mine, I won't hear this. If someone tell me this I think it's quite hypocrite for that person to tell me this, I won't believe it 99%.

Human tend to forget the dead after 2-3 years after that person die. I won't expect myself to be remembered. I really want to die off now, yet I am struggling because of my mother.

"Can I leave you mommy? But I don't want you to face all this alone. I am struggling so much that I can't even focus on my studies. I have to worry so much for so many things? Can I stop my agony? Mommy I promise that I will perish with that person if I choose to end everything. Mommy I am not that strong that you think I am, I really love you."

2009-12-31T11:33:00.000-08:00

I am really scare, because 2010 is coming in several hours from now. I am always sad at the last day of a year. Because I don't know what will happen to me in a new year.

Why do I always have to tolerate all those pain that I am suffering? I ask god why but I always don't have any answer. What wrong had I done to deserve it. In my past life???

I wonder if everyone had forgotten me already? I doubt you all remember. Next time when you all see me please don't ask me how's with my life. Now I will tell you : I AM NOT FINE AT ALL!!!

With all those fears that keeps on circulating in my brain how good can I be? Keep on having different kinds of strange dreams. I think I have lost my sanity.

And something more worst is that now I still don't have confidence to go school. What's wrong with me?? It's gonna be 1-1-10 soon yet I am still like this. I really have no confidence to continue to live on with my damn life. Don't worry if I were to die I will go peacefully without disturbing anyone. Jumping down from high buildings and purposely get into an accident is stupid because my face will be disfigured so I won't do this two act. Even if I were to commit suicide I want to die 'beautifully' though I know I am ugly.

I will update soon again, I will upload those "blogs" I wrote in my microsoft in my mobile.

2009-10-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

damn it!!! Cheated by those advertising gimmick!!! As for the detail I don't wish to say...hais..Stupid me! I should have know that it's just a gimmick and I actually believe it.

2009-10-01T20:54:00.000-07:00

hais... Today I never go to school. Just because I woke up late and I admit that it's just only part of the truth. I also don't know why today I am so reluctant to go, what I can say is that I feel so emo and lonely in school, maybe that's the reason? I also don't know.. When I imagine next year in school it's even more pathetic I think I am going to talk to the air once I open my mouth. The future is so gloomy..

I am especially sad, when teachers give out worksheet for the whole class to do. I will be seeing everyone writing and for me I'll be staring at the paper blankly or I am able to do a few only. Why do I forgot those things that I have studied before?? I really blame myself for all that I did.

And I seem to be unable to stop thinking of slashing, I keep on having the urge to take anything that's sharp to slash or even stab myself. I must be crazy!!!

Today's really a bad day for me, My parent somehow quarrel because I never go to school. And no one talks to me too. It's not their fault that I never go to school but yet my father blame my mother because of it. Do they know that actually I am very reluctant to go to school, right now I am just forcing myself to go. Can someone help me?? I used to love going to school but now it's not. I really want to be back in the past.

Anyway, I still need to go to school for 1 more week then it'll be study break. But now going to school is like wasting my time, I have no time to study. But if I stay at home then I won't have teachers for me to ask questions, but it's still the same because the teachers won't have time for me because their priority is those students who are taking their O-level this year. And during the holidays I have no teachers to ask also, hais....

invisible; xue yi

2009-09-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

Ever since Wednesday I have gone back to school, I have been feeling very very stress till now. And I can't control my tears, so I have been crying everyday. The "first day" of my school is quite bad, because everything is so alien to me. I realised that I have already forgotten everything, what the teachers are saying sounds so alien. And I don't know whether is I am too sensitive or I haven't get used to it, the class is so noisy for me. Even during recess I thought that I can have some peaceful time to go thorough the textbook, but I can't because those boys who stay in the classroom start to make so much noise till I feel like killing them. CAN'T THEY JUST SHUT UP????

The next day I never go to school because my right eye got infected, plus I cried too much till my eye swollen like two ping pong ball. I just can't stop crying on Wednesday while I was doing those math questions. I felt sad because as I look at those question I know that I used to be able to do it within minutes and without referring the textbook but yet I have to think about it so long and refer to the textbook.

On Friday I went to school but I keep on crying during lessons. I want to apologise to all my classmates because I may be a nuisance. That day actually I have to stay back for chemistry and physics but I did not. I went back and keep on crying.

Saturday, Sunday and today, I have been busying studying. But the problem is I study very slow, I only manage to study one chapter of one subject everyday. Which is I spent 4 hours on 1 chapter, some more the chapter is like those kind of easy one like 'simultaneous equation', 'kinetic particle theory'..Study the textbook and go thorough worksheet took me 4 hours.

That's why now I am very worry whether if I can finish revising those Sec 3 topics by the end of the year which left three more months in this speed. I have to revise without the help of teachers as it's during the holiday so they won't be able to help me. HOW HOW HOW???? Even if there's people who are willing to help but I still have to waste time travelling to meet the person for just 1 single topic.

And more to be worry for me, next year I'll be joining another class this means that I'll have new classmates and different teachers. I am worry whether if I can get used to it. Different teachers means different style of teaching what if I don't understand? Who am I going to head for help? Classmates? But I don't know them well.. Teachers? But I don't know whether will they be teacher to help me because maybe some teacher that I know well is going to leave this year??Some more I have to deal with the loneliness. Will I have a new friend to teach me if I don't understand and help me collect worksheet for me when I am not around?

Next year, I really hope that I won't have to go for CCA then I will be able to have more time to study and go for tuition.

Now I am very depressed, worry and scared. Who can help me? I have been crying everyday, now even while I am typing I am still crying. I really regret not going to school for this year, just because I am damn scared of failing tests, exams and O-level. Now even though I haven't gone thorough O-level but I am already staying back for 1 more year. Now I really don't know how to overcome this fear and get my studies back on track.

One more thing, which is the consruction site near my flat I am getting crazy because of it also. The knocking and banging, I prey that it will stop in no time. Can't they build faster?

invisible; xue yi (I AM SCARED)

2009-09-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I last update..

I want to thank everyone for your concern..Appreciate it that there is still people caring for me.

This few months I staying at home instead of going school, I think there will be a lot of people will think that I am actually having a good and carefree time because I no need to study for tests and exam. But the fact is that actually I have a psychological war to fight inside my heart, most of the time I spent is quite unhappy because of all the guilt and inferior feeling.

I really don't know what am I doing, since last year I start to become afraid of studying. I am scare that I will flunk all my exams despite I score well. I just ignore those feeling and thought that I can start afresh this year but finally those feeling win the battle in my heart. Now I still haven't get over it and I know clearly that I am just running away from it.

I have one "good news" to announce which is I have decided that I will be back in school tomorrow. Running away can't solve anything so i choose to face it, because I know that I have to prepare for next year in order for me to finish my studies. Now my brain is in the state of being "rusty" so I have to start revising. I hope all friends, classmates and future classmates can treat like me like a coma patient who just regain it conscious and needed help in walking and etc. what I mean is that I hope that people can help me revise even during your holiday, but I know the people in the whole world are not oblige to help me, so I am just hoping. Please don't make a promise with me because promises are meant to be broken. I have already give up on trusting a person because the more i expect the more disappointed I am, it require a long time for me to actually trust a person but not 100% because there is still 0.1% of chance that I might be betray. You might say that I ask for help yet I don't trust the person who render me help, but if that person really want to help and be my friend the person will be sincere to me then. <-- that's what I believe I am still quite uncertain whether I can do it for next year, I hope my willpower will be strong enough to beat the fear. This few months something actually happen that really pull my confidence level down when it's already very low. I actually have to give up all my mini skirts and shorts which I used to love. Now I am left with long pants to wear. So when I see people wearing skirt or short and walk past me, my heart actually hurts quite a lot. "I used to be able to wear that", that's what my brain's thinking. It's not that I am unable to wear it but the problem is that there will be a lot people which will point their fingers at me and discuss behind me, so I will rather be as skinny as I can so that the "shape" of my leg will be good. Recently I start to become obsess with Korean song and documentary. The melody of those Korean sad song really suit me because it's sad enough. Those documentary I like to watch are "Mysteries of the human body", "Three days", "screening humanity" , "VJs on the scene" etc.. For entertainment show: "chitchat of the beautiful ladies" , "Two days and one night"... Plus Korean food too.No matter how spicy it is I will eat though I am scare of spicy food.

invisible ;xue yi

I DON'T FEEL WELL!!!

2009-02-20T23:41:00.000-08:00

i am back from IMH yesterday..i stayed in the Sayang Wellness Centre for around 5 days and my father wants me to be discharge...and ytd i slept at 5am+ after two days without sleep..it's always like that, i only can get into when i am really very tired..though i am given pills that help me to get into sleep but i always never take it..

the days at there was stressless, i have thought a lot but i still can't get out of all those annoying problems i have..whenever i am thinking of those problems i will start to tremble and start to cry...

during the first few day, i can't get used to taking 3 meals per day, because i always take 1 meal per day..but i didn't eat much because i don't have the appetite to eat or sometimes when i eat i feel like vomiting.. eh btw i don't few hunger at all for the past 3 years and now also..(except gastric pain)

and everyday the psychiatrist/social worker/psychologist will come to see me..but i just won't speak because i am not ready to actually speak to them and to me i hate talking also..i am quite 'shy' de person but sometimes brave also..i also don't really know myaelf anyway..

recently when i slash i won't feel much pain, so i start to slash harder i also don't know why i do that also..just take it that i am crazy..i am addicted to those pain..sorry for those nonsense that i am speaking now...i also don't know what i am talking now..

on wed night, i really can't sleep feeling quite restless...then there's a nurse call Goh Ai Sze(Cheryl) doing her night shift came in to gave me medicine and she's quite friendly too though there's a few nurse who look fierce..(btw the nurse always come in to check whether you are asleep almost every hour, i know because i always can't sleep though i took sleeping pills) then she ask me whether i want to like talk to her because i look quite unhappy which is true..then i sat on the bed to ponder whether i want to talk to her about my probs..

and finally i decided to speak to her since she actually offers to lend me a listening ears...and i felt very bad to took up her 2 hours time just to listen to my nonsense, but i still have a lot of nonsense never tell her..she gave me some good advices..including not to hurt myself but you know it's kind of hard now because i have been slashing and knocking my head towards the wall for 2 years its become kind of like addicted even though there's quite a lot of people call me to stop those idiotic behaviour..and she actually told the psychiatrist those nonsense that i have told her, i am not angry then but i am thankful that she did that even though my heart isn't willing to let the doc knows about those nonsense...because i know the doc will let my parent know..

so ytd morning i was very very shocked to know that the doc found out about my nonsense...and some more my parent will be coming at a later time in the day...

after seeing the doctor i went straight to my room and start crying like some idiotic person..my heart beat was very fast and i felt like vomiting the breakfast out..so i rushed to the toilet and vomit some food out but i still feel very unwell so i had my fingers into my throat and i vomit more stuff out and went back to bed to cry..

the moment i step out of the sayang wellness centre, i felt very sad because i will have to face those stress(nonsense/probs) that i started to cry again..but my parent don't know that i am crying because i wore my sunglasses and make an effort to cry without any noise..

even now i am still very reluctant to take my antidepressant..i just hate taking medicine!!!
sometimes i really don't feel like getting well because i am very afraid that there will be no one who will care for me after i am well..i know i am psycho for now..
i know i am worthless..so no use for people to care about me..
i feel guilty to let them waste their time on me..
what i can is that i am sorry to the whole world..because there's such a useless people living in this world..fighting with them for oxygen,spaces...
my existence does not make any difference, everything will work well even without me..

and i also don't understand why am so afraid of test/exams, and just because of that when i hear people mention about O-level i will be like trying to run away from it..so what's the point of living??? i don't think the society can accommodate this kind of person..
a person who don't have guts, useless, can't think, waste peoples' time...
sorry to the WHOLE WORLD!!!

invisible; xue yi

2009-02-10T18:28:00.000-08:00

Recently my peace is being disturbed!!!
out of a sudden i was drag to the hospital to see a doctor!!!
may be that's due to my craziness..
peace being disturbed means it can't be bring back..
why am i getting all this???
why are they forcing me??i felt so angry!!! i hate that!!!

but will seeing a doctor will solve my fear for test/exams?or will it make my insecure heart to become secure?
i have lost my sanity, so it can't be help anymore...
what i need is someone who could understand me...i know it's difficult because even if i could find one, but i am so afraid that the person will take me as a troublesome person.. who keep on repeating the same stuff to him/her again and again..

on friday( 6-2-09) i went to IMH again..my parent were suppose to fill up a form about me..
as they fill up i realise that they don't understand me at all..
this make me feel so angry that i flare up..

and why my parent(especially my father) always thought that buying me new stuff will make me feel very happy..but that's not so true on me, it may work certain time..
but i am not that materialistic okay..

plus can i don't take all those stupid medication..including sleeping pills!!!
i don't need all this damn thing!!
yet i am being force to take it every night..!!!!

i don't want all those things anymore!!! all the cryings, pills, test/exams!!!
help!!!
i start to hate studying!!!it's so scary!!! because you don't know when will you fail and what if i do badly?????it means no future!!!

can everything end????
i want to destroy everything!!! can i just fly off from a building??

invisible:xue yi

2008-10-11T22:40:00.000-07:00

when wind struck there's no hint..
it can come in any direction or any form..
so when it struck around me i have no prevention to it..
what can i do???

and self destruction had begun in my heart..
i am very tired..
i don't know what i am doing that's why..
i destroy my future with my own hands..
once my future is over= i am over also..
i will die with it..
it is predestine..
so everyone should not be surprised with my decision..
once the result is out it will decide my fate of life..
i am insane in my mind..

what i can say now is that i let down a lot of people..
which is irreversible..
the sadness in my heart who can understand???

when i tell someone something it seems like they can't understand me..
so what can i do??
no point talking anymore..
i feel so cold..
my heart is in the freezer..(hopeless life)

i hate myself because i DESTROY my goddammn life..
the world seems so dark..
sorry to the whole world!!!

invisible xue yi

2008-08-08T02:13:00.000-07:00

this few day is quite peaceful for my ears..
because this past few day i went walk walk alone for very very long times..
(eg. go shopping alone, stroll in the park...)
this few day i feel quite down, lonely..

today go walk walk alone is because no one is free to pei me go out..
so i felt kind of like dejected...hais nvm lah..

For Everyone:

(Everyday, there will different that is going to happen..
Every path, there will be a different journey upcoming..
Every heart, there will be something that is worth expecting..)

how about my Every day, path and heart?
i don't know mine..
so i have to try to start exploring..
though to me it will be hard to know these answers..
but i'll still try my best..
i knew i will be able to find the answer..

invisible XUE YI

2008-07-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

finally i update again..

recently i am getting my emo feelings back again..
i think because those science chapters that i don't understand make me frustrated..
i don't know what the hell am i learning from certain chaps..
i want to do good in all my test but it seems like i can do it..
i seriously don't know what's wrong with me..GOD HELP ME!!!

i think i don't talk liao ba...
HAIS HAIS!!!!=(
(dead-link= i die)

invisible XUE YI

2008-07-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

finally i update again..

hais..recently become quite stress because of choir..
i just don't know how to make a people open their mouth and sing out LOUD..
or maybe i have too little patience..

after the committee of the last batch step down,
the alto section is like going to collapse..
i seriously don't know what to do..
if i scold or punish the sec 1, i scare that they won't come for the next practice..
plus i also don't wish to scold them..
how how how????
and SYf coming liao..i scare no time to prepare...

SO STRESS!!!

invisible XUE YI

2008-06-10T23:11:00.000-07:00

today very suay wor…
my eye is infected..
PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN!!!

now it’s 10.47 pm, it’s still raining..
hmm..i wonder why the sky is always grey when it’s about to rain..
even at night also…
can anyone answer me why is it so?

btw anyone want to go kbox, beach and boat quay?
if anyone want to go any of those places..
can ask me out also?
the bigger the group the better it is..
because it’s more fun to have more people..
ask me out as fast as possible..
because I am dying from boredom!!!

invisible XUE YI

2008-06-09T04:32:00.000-07:00

hmm..
it's been a really really really long time..
got people miss me ma?
got miss me then must tell me..
lol...hais..
recently become a bit lame liao leh..
learn from hui qi and hui ting...bad influence???maybe think so ba..

last week almost everyday i went back home at 1am plus..
getting a bit crazy..
but i like staying outside until very late...
it's fun..

should i post all the pictures that i have took? when i am missing from this webpage?
think i don't post lah..
for who to see???

think i have nothing much to say liao luh..
everyone must cherish this post okay???
because maybe i'll not be blogging again until very very long ba..

invisble XUE YI =D

emo-ing again

2008-04-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

hais this few days wasn't good for me...
feel like giving up on my studies..
and it seems like i start to hate to go to school...

feeling so empty inside my heart..
lonely also..
maybe i have become an invisible soul..
hais...
silent scream inside my heart..
not knowing who to talk to..
getting very upset with myself...
and i am going back to my emo side again..
why???
now having practically no one to talk to..
because all of them have their own problems
and they are also busy with other stuff..
who will care about me? this lowly character in the world..
start to hate myself once again...
hate myself for doing badly in my studies
when i know i can do it better...
hate myself for messing up my own life...

what i can feel now is that my friends are drifted further
and further away from me..
or maybe not..
or should i say that is i am the one who started to become
more anti-social?
i am so confused..

when i see my blood dripping and the pain i felt..
then i realise that actually i am still living in this world...
i always thought that i am already dead..
because i can feel nothing...

gtg..

SAD;xue yi (emo-ing again)

2008-03-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

(the "two cousin")hui qi n ting

today is public holiday..

happy or sad???

i don't know how to explain..

but now i got a bit flu..

because that day i went out with hui qi

then we walk under the rain for a while then now i kena flu..

plus i cut my hair on that day..

too long to talk about it..

gtg liao..

SAD;xue yi

2008-03-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

i am back from choir camp....
regret that i went for it...
the camp is sort of so stupid to me..
injured my back and finger..

^.^ hui qi!!!(took this photo while she use her hp.)

first day:
i was late..
because i wore my new shoes on that day then my back ankle
kena cut by it due to too much abrasion..
but in choir it's like nothing to be late...
meet hui qi in the canteen..
then we went up together...

first day of choir practice was very sian..
we listened to quite a lot of acappella songs..
halfway through i went for my chemistry experiment,
eliz and i was absent on that day when the whole class did it...
so i waited for her to come to sch..
but wtf she make me wait for her for 1 hour!!!
i was quite fed up with her bcos i can see
from her face that she don' t think that she's wrong
and it also can tell from her face 'i don't give a damn'...
but i never scold her because i am able to control my temper at that time...

after the experiment i went for my classes..
and i missed out all the activties for the camp..
but it's okay studying is more important...

at night after dinner almost everyone went for a bath..
but i decided to bath at 11.30pm...
bcos "i was hoping to see some ghost"..
then it was the award ceremony..
all of us was quite high..
it's a pity for hui qi that she never won the 'miss choir' award..
but it's ok in my heart she's always my 'miss choir'..(sound a bit like i
love her?lol)

it was blind man trail after that..
at first i thought it was very scary but after finishing it..
it was like nothing..
but after it i felt a bit giddy..
maybe because i was blindfolded for too long..

at later night hui qi, vanessa, sharon, evon, ...
we all play poker card then we kena
gan by the committee members..
then very what loh..(i don't know how to describe them)
we don't want sleep also their problems like that..
tmd..
make me feel so bu shuang with them..

2nd day:
woke up at 6.45am..
assemble at 7.30 am at the parade square...
did some stretching n running (lame=.=).

the breakfast was curry puff but it taste more like
curry bread..
after that was practice..
then it was area cleaning..
it's just arranging the tables..

then evon, sharon, min ning, hui qi n i went to kfc..
then i went to hui qi house..
talk talk n talk..
went home at 6+ plus or 7 like that..

SAD;xue yi

2008-03-03T23:02:00.000-08:00

sian sian sain arh!!!
in one week i have to go tuition for abt five times...
then somemoe today still got what 'seeding program'..
so sch ended at 4.45 loh..
it's like so tiring then after that must go tuition...

as for englsih lesson...
need to write speech..
this is what i dreaded the most!!!

and i hate the iconnexion assignment the most..
even though the questions there were easy..
but the probs is the system mark the answers very slowly...
i don't have the time to waste loh..
then i can't ensure that i got all correct..
damn it..

gtg le..

n HAPPY BDAY TO ELIZ

SAD;xue yi

2008-02-29T00:17:00.000-08:00

it's been a long time that i never blog..
for now i don't hv time to spend on the com...
now in my life is juz study study n study...

e stupid chinese iconnexion tingy is making me to lose my temper
liao!!!
i don't have the patient to wait for the marks to come!!!
si bei confused by the chinese iconnexion..

what i did last wk was being a 'garderner' in sch..
a new and cool experience for me...

the first term of my results...
was simply sux...
did badly for biology...(have to buck up!!)
physics n chemistry is still ok...
social studies n geog wasn't very good...
chinese the 'bao zhang du hou gan' wasn't good also...
overall i am not happy with my results...

it's getting late le...
gtg...

SAD;xue yi

2008-02-05T22:14:00.000-08:00

hmm...
today got time to online so change blog skin...
think it's nice ba...
maybe...

can't blog any longer bcos my father
keep on telling me to off the com.

SAD;xue yi

2008-01-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

i don't know what the hell i am doing to myself..
i feel so stress..
juz can't understand why i suddenly lose my temper
for one small thing..
i can't control myself...
keep on crying for almost everyday..
and having stupid thoughts of suicide..
I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF!!!

btw happy bday to zi xuan!!!

gtg...

SAD;xue yi

2008-01-14T20:49:00.000-08:00

as each day past, the sadder i feel..
asking myself since when my existence in this world
becomes nothing..
am i dead in this world??
most significant evidence is that when i am
trying to talk everyone seems to ignore me...
every time when i was in a group or what so ever
i need to call a person name for more than three times
then there will be respond...(the worst is that no one
actually answered me)
another is that my blog actually die...
as my existences die down, i hate myself more..
hate myself for not knowing what did i done wrong..
or maybe my friends were tired of me..
sorry if i am a burden..
so can anyone point out to me what did done wrong???

sat i went for my tuition at the
afternoon...
the after tt when it was the time to go home..
it start to rain..
then in e end i wait for the rain to stop for abt 1 hr...
i also don't know why there's a grp of men looking at me for what???
it was sort of scary..
so when e rain turn small i juz dash across the road and almost kena
hit by a car...

hmm today was quite pathetic bcos only
hui ting n i stay back for e class decor...
i got to admit that she was gd to spent her time with me...
or else if i am alone i don't know what the hell am i going
to do to me...
juz can't be alone...
and i kena gastric again..
hais nvm i get used to it le...

so sick and tired of this awful life!!!

SAD;xue yi

2008-01-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

am i being abandoned??
why am i feeling so empty?
a lonely soul..
an empty spirit..
live like a transparent human...

am i thinking too much or am i being too sensitive???

leading a life that i don't want to live..
with long term of sadness and a few short terms of happiness..
living was more like a hell for me..
if i hang on with it will i be able to overcome the sadness in me
and to lead a different life???
HATE myself for everything..

2008-01-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

alright today during math lesson,
i really feel like commiting suicide..
the teacher explain until i very stress...
think i better ask my tuition teacher to teach me...
i was sort of having difficulty in breathing throughout the whole lesson...
oh god!!!
glad that i am not the only student who don't like her..
sld be over half the class don't like her ba..

then today kena dental appoinment again..
then tt nurse call me cod fish bcos of my chinese name...
hate it!!!

now i am feeling very stress...
hais..

still have to do the classroom decor..
deadline is on this fri..
if i am not in charge of that then i will not be so troubled by it...
nvm it's for the class...

i hate being that sad and emo..
but i juz can't help it..
damn it..
what's exactly wrong with me???

i want to give up!!!

SAD;xue yi (stress)

2008-01-06T22:34:00.000-08:00

hais...wed, thu and fri got choir prac but i am so glad that
it's over..
on thu after choir prac...
hui qi, krystal, jia hui n me went to tm...
then after they eat we walk for a while..
since it was still early so i went to central park
with hui qi to tok..
i was back home at 9pm...

on fri after choir prac..
i went loitering..
then start to feel emo again..
so when i was on my way to tuition i don't know
why i start to cry in the bus...
i am feeling very stress at that point of time..
overwhelm by the stress of taking 8 subs...

so tired of living by now...

and one more thing is that..
i don't really like my E math teacher...
i will get heart attack bcos of her...
felt so irritated by e way she talk...

now i am looking for ppl to help me print for the english file
cover page...
hais it seems like everyone printer got prob..
even mine also...

gtg..

SAD;xue yi

2007-12-31T18:00:00.000-08:00

hais so sian..
heard from my senior who is from 3e3 this year,
she told me that learning 8 subjects to her is very stressful..
then i die liao..
i should have appeal..
regret now...

hope that next year which is tml..
i won't be isolate...
i was being isolated before when i was in pri sch..
it's so stupid of me to really treat them as real frens..

last week choir practice start again..
oh damn it..
so sian..
then the cca fair bring forward until that early...
which is this sat..

then i still rmb that i was in a rush to go for choir prac..
then i met ms kanni..
i don't know what the hell i am doing sia..
i juz walk pass and like ignore her...
so bad of me...
btw i was like shock to met her...
so i can't really react, n y am i shock???
don't understand...

i gtg already..
happy new year to everyone!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-12-24T19:15:00.000-08:00

this is my new wallet which bought from the shop at amk hub..

think it's quite nice ba..

i put eeyore's picture there!!!

i luv eeyore!!!

time passes so fast going to start sch soon..

hias...sian..

stress come back to me again!

btw i wish everyone merry christmas in advance..

bcos tml i can't online...

gtg liao..

tc guys...

SAD;xue yi

2007-12-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

now i got no time to online that often liao..
got 3 to 2 times of tuition per week..
so was a bit busy bcos there's hw too...

now my cough was fully recovered...
but now i kena flu..
wtf!!!
hais don't know what's wrong with me sia...

later at night i will be going to my grandma hse..
it's been long time since i visit her...
wonder how she is now..

have to stop crapping..
bb =)

SAD;xue yi

2007-12-10T19:00:00.000-08:00

this few days were very sian...
got nothing to do...
juz can stay at home and read a lot of bks nia..

oh last wk i met josh kor..
he very gay sia..
go paint his toe nail all black...
copy me!!!
tmd he always suan me whenever we meet each other...
nvm..
but i whack his back for revenge...

i don't know when my cough will stop...
hias...
keep on coughing...
like that i can't go out for a jog or exercise loh...

gtg..

SAD;xue yi

2007-12-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

strangle my baby Eeyore to death!!!(lame!!)

emo pooh with eeyore cap
my pooh is so cute!!!
gong gong de look
no face to see u

alright i got my new hp..

then i very lame loh...

start to take those lame pics,

instead of taking my own face...

today i went back to sch for choir prac...

instead of singing it bcome coughing lesson for me...

it's the last prac for the holiday...

i am so happy..

but out of all the five practices i turn up for 3 times nia..

bcos ever since i got my fever last month..

my cough haven't been heal yet...

btw i not sure whether i can turn up for the rowing activities..

with my sickness...

what the hell man...

gtg liao...

SAD;xue yi

2007-12-03T20:06:00.000-08:00

fri went to downtown east with clara to meet
lam yan and ching yee they all...
the whole day was quite cold for me...
especially when i enter the chalet...
omg...
it was so cold!!!

after that clara and i meet ching yee and lam yan outside
the chalet...
cos we tot no one was inside...
both of them were wet..
so we played taiti(dt noe how to spell) and 21..
then went to escape!!!

i love wet and wild the most...
even though i was drench from head to toe but i still like it...
i admire clara boldness to play the inverter..
and i went to the haunted house for the
first time with clara...
i thought it was very scary so i grab her hands very hard...
then went in the second time with darren, rui yang and titus...
the second time it wasn't tbat scary anymore..

clara left at around 5 plus ba...
ching yee, lam yan and me continue to play for a while and
went back...
on our way back to the chalet...
my jaw was shivering up and down...

i was the last to shower bcos i was very slow..
i need at least 30 mins for me to come out..
i ate a little then we went to the arcade...

we went back at around 9 plus..
then i have my so called dinner...
plain rice and fish nuggets...
while ching yee and lam yan learn to play mahjong..
after eating i joined them..
it was very easy to pick up...

it's a pity that clara went back home early..
or else we four girls can play together..
we played till 5 am..
it's like sort of addiction..
of all the rounds we played i juz won once nia..
don't have this kind of luck on mahjong table but
only on poker cards...

today i woke up early bcos of a strange dream...
i actually dream of a Caucasian doctor taking zn operating
knife from the OT and start killing ppl at the A&E...

gtg

SAD;xue yi

2007-11-29T19:17:00.000-08:00

i won't miss you de...
juz can't believe what i see on that day..
at that moment i really wish that i am blind...
what is the so called happiness which i told u how i feel???
it so stupid of me to fall into your trap!!!

i can feel that there's thousands of arrow that
go thorough my heart...
now i realised that i have to let go...
even though it still hurts...
i still have to act as if tat's nothing to me...

SAD;xue yi -I WON'T MISS U!!!

2007-11-29T18:54:00.000-08:00

my tuition start at sec 3 math liao..
think there will be a lot of formula to rmb for the whole bk...
think i still can manage ba...

on tue i went tuition,
then i met one teacher from the sch...
don't know him well...
so never greet him....

ytd i keep on coughing until i can't slp sia...
then my spine damn pain sia...
hai....so sian...

i want to join the rowing course which start on 8 dec.
i was sort of being attracted by this sport,
since i join the program in sch...
my mother hope that i won't be joining it...
bcos of the dragon boat incident...
she say that it's very dangerous bcos i don't know how to swim...
i agreed to it too...
but i think i will go for swimming lesson...
really hope that i can join it...

today i can't meet clara they all..
sian...
think i will go tml...
but i don't know how to go downtown there..

gtg...

SAD;xue yi

2007-11-22T20:42:00.000-08:00

i am not really in good health now..
keep on coughing...
and spine hurts as each day pass...

think i need to go for a whole body check up ba...
sian...
don't like it...
i always hate hospital, clinic, nurses and doctors...
but now i am left with no choice liao...

everyday was bored then...
got nothing to do...
want to look for a job but now it's too late...
so now i juz stay ay home to rest and hope
that the pain will go away...

and i read one book and found one paragraph quite interesting..
but i think that there's some ppl find it emo...

it wrote :
He reached beneath his long hair for the knife. He held it
in his right hand and turned over his left hand until the palm
was up and the wrist and inside of his arm was available to
the blade. He was thinking of nothing but finding relief. All
his nerve ends screamed for it. He sat making short decisive
cuts in the skin between wrist and elbow. He switched the
knife to his left hand and began operating on his right arm
the same way. Blood oozed from the cuts and dripped onto
the floor.

then there's still one more sentence writng.
'He'd have to remember this remedy when his fears and
his anxieties grew impossible to bear.'

this book is like quite vulgar..
keep on saying the word fuck and fucking...
i won't ever let my mother read this book
bcos she will think that i am siao...
to me i find the book perfectly ok....

gtg...
stop crapping...

SAD;xue yi

2007-11-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

today i got my cough back again..
keep on coughing..
when i coughing, my spine will be in pain..
wtf...

actually i want to meet clara, ly n cy today...
but my stupid backbone loh!!
always give me prob de...

this morning i want to look for my hp but can't find it!!!
damn it...
so i give up looking for it...
but after that i found it inside my jacket...
i go wrap it up..what the hell!!!

my mother suggest that i sld go take a x=ray..
but i don't feel like going...
waste of money only...
plus i scare abt the result of it...

wonder whether my father is a male or female...
always like to nag...
and laugh at others...
and say bad thing behind a person...
wtf...
irksome of him!!!
really wish to tell him: I HATE U!!!
thk u for thinking that you are my everything and i will die without
u in my life!!!
a pack of lies!!!
fuck off!!!

each and every second i hear, are like hell...
can't stand you!!!
why sld i listen to u???

now then i realise that i hate almost all my neighbours!!!
always have those fucking faces..
except for some only!!
n some a very kpo...
how i wish i can live on my own...

gtg liao...
heard my fucking father kp liao...

SAD;xue yi

2007-11-15T20:00:00.000-08:00

ytd went back to sch for choir and dental app.

it so sian..
repeat the same song for a long time...
until i feel like slping...
alright after abt 1 hr...
those 'bitch' come in...
with their dear baby bf...don't what they doing loh...
can date a boy younger than them...
wtf...like no one want them like that...
they come in means no peace..
when the whole choir is singing..
they keep on toking like everyone is invisible...
fuck off!!!

not i really like to scold ppl loh...but their behaviour make me
scold them...
i seldom criticise ppl de loh...

after practice still need to move the tables back...
tmd my spine hurts once i carry one table or a few chairs...
wtf...

then i called clara...
tok tok tok liao...
i went to the knowledge zone to wait until 1.10pm
for my dental app...

it so sian waiting sia..
almost bcome a statue...

alright ytd i decided to buy the phone w660i...
nt bad...

gtg(tml the start of my hell day)

SAD;xue yi

2007-11-12T18:10:00.000-08:00

alright took almost one whole week for me to recover...
everyday was very tired for me..
so sickening...

now my spine hurts again...
especially when i am coughing...

this few day really feel very pek chek...
can't control well my temper and feeling...
so stress up...

on sat i was really angry with my father...
what the fuck..
you thought u are my everything is it...
when u know that u r in wrong...
yet you don't want to apologise...
always like that de,
you are only my father by law...
but to me you are like nothing in my eyes..
bcos you have lost all your respect for me to respect you...

i juz simply don't understand y the word 'sorry' is so difficult to say???
a lot of adults juz simply don't want to admit that they are in wrong,
when they know the truth..
still want to prove tt they are correct but without evidence...

don't know how to communicate with them lah!!!
so fuck off man...(i mean those fucking adults nt all)
tmd make me scold vulgarities(is it lyk tt spell de?)...

fine i gtg...
got tuition today!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-11-05T18:06:00.000-08:00

alright i got to keep it short today...
i am in pain now...
juz bcos of a stupid fever and sore throat...

ytd woke up at around at around 8 am...
bcos i am feeling damn unwell...
after that i got a cup drink...
then try to slp again..
bcos i 4.30am then slp, juz can't fall asleep easily...
but i still can't get back to my dream land...

so i start to take my own temperature...
it's 37.3 degree Celsius...
so i msg clara to ask her whether i am having fever...
but she never reply...nvm luhs...
so i sms ly...
then she told me that i am going to get le...
then we sms each other for about an hour...

in the end i can't take it anymore...
my heads hurt a lot...
told her tt i nid to rest...
so go take temp. again...
37.5...
then it goes up and down...
38.2
37.7...

i don't how i manage to find some medi for fever so i took it...
then slept for a while..
wake up then take temp...
omg it goes up to 38.9...
then i took two ice pack to cool me down...
fortunately it went back to 37.6..

at night when i want slp liao..
i take temp. one more time...
38.2...
feeling damn sick..
i breathe thorough my mouth...

today i woke up at around 12 pm bah...
omg i am a pig!!!
my temp.: 37.2...

now my temp: 37.9...
damn it!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-11-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

this few day i don't know why i was quite sad...
probably i juz can't let go ba...
can't let go the fact that i am very disappointed with myself...
the result for all subs.
n a lot of things...
i try hard to behave as normal as i can..
as happy as i can...

n it is also bcos i miss the class...
even though sometimes there's some misunderstanding n
unpleasant things which happen in class...
but i still miss the faces tt i m seeing almost everyday...
juz want to tell the whole class tt i am so sry for what i
have done n thk you for helping me thorough out the year..
and i miss u all!!!

today stay at home for the whole day...
then i had biscuits for lunch...
tasteless...
actually i don't intend to eat...

gtg..stop crapping liao..

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

holiday is so sian...
i prefer to go sch than having holiday...
even though studying may be damn stress...

then still need to go back to sch...(wearing uni)
juz to return a stupid report bk!!!
probably i might return on wed ba...
then after that loiter...
it's fun to loiter...
but i won't create trouble...so guai!!!
(someone muz be puking)

i gave up at the war bears mission...
this game is really very stupid....
wonder why i start to play for what...

going to change my hp already...
so happy...
plus i m going to change my no. also...
but need to inform the whole lot of ppls that i change my no...

think i need some time to be alone ba..
so all my dear frens pls ask me out after 7th of nov...
let me be alone for a while...
but of course you can call me to chat or sms me...
anything lah...
or u want to hear me sprouting nonsenses n crapping also k...

don't know why this few days i love to listen to retro song...
especially those sad ones...
as i listen those stupid tears flow out frm my eyes again..
think tt i m being too emo again...

i don't understand why some ppl are struggling to live on,
then some ppl are like me who don't wish to carry on my life...
can't we swap our fate???

pills can heal an illness n kill a person...
so why invent it???
dt understand this also...

i need to stop my crap already...
btw who will care to read all tis crap???
onky some ba...

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

damn it my spine hurts like hell...
scare that i might need to have an operation...

what i can describe abt my feeling now is disappointed!!!!
disappointed with my result bcos i think i could do better
than it...
i never focus in the "not so important" subjects...
like d&t and art...
one more is lit...
i don't like this three subjects!!!
so i had done quite badly for it...
it sldn't be like this!!!

but no use already bcos it's over...
the fact is that this 3 subs have pull my result down!!!
damn it!!!so pissed off man!
hope that i will get in to 3e3 with ly they all...

i still rmb what i last spoke in the classrm which is : bye!
i mean i actually tok to the classroom...
stupid me...
i almost break down there...

but as i walk back home alone i really can't control myself
anymore so i broke down right outside the sch...
i think those ppl who saw might think that i am
crazy...
i agreed that sometimes i m really very siao n do things that
will amaze others...

then when i reach home...
there's no one so i cried bcos of my result...
cried several hours...
now my eyes were a bit swollen...
when i gave my report bk to my mother, it's the same no compliment...
but nagging...but i shout back at her to ask her to stop...
i m so bad n rude..
it sld be i am not fit to have any compliment from anybody...
probably she might b tinking tat my result sux!!!

one thing to comment about the recovery rm in sch...
what i can say that it's not effective on me...
it sld be time for reflecting your doing...
but it make me reflect why i am such a useless person...
and things that happened over the few yrs...
i really dt wan to cry but i juz can't control...

as the days past...
the more i feel that i am not important...
i will be easily forsake...
everyone will leave me one by one...(i mean not dead lah!!!)
bcos i have this painful experience that all my friends leave me
one by one...
bcos of one ppl badmouthing me...
i am feeling very insecure!!!

SAD;xue yi (lonely)

2007-10-22T17:25:00.000-07:00

i was quite disappointed with my result...
especially lit...
i fail by 8 marks....
damn it!!!
ly still say she sad, when she got 50 which is juz a pass...
then me what...???
i fail loh...
i tink i fail for the overall this year for lit...
sian...
which mean there's two class i can't pick: 3e1 n 3e2...

the sch change the sub combination again!!!
wa lao..
i want biology!!!
then i think i can't get in to 3e3 which is so difficult!!!
the rest all got the combination of physics and chemistry!!!
then 3e4 muz choose btw biology or A maths..(but i want both!!!)
sian lah!!!

no idea which class land in...
hope 3e3 or 3e4 bcos i want A maths...
but if u ask me what's the exact reason i want A maths
i can only ans: i don't know!!!
it's prob bcos a lot of ppl think is good then i also think so...
juz dt know...

i really hope that i will go to the same class with my friend...
but it's so difficult...
i think i will probably cry a lot at the end of the year!!!

actually this post is for ytd one...
bcos my father come in then can't post it...
so i juz add on ba...

today went to sch without an umbrella...
so i was quite drench when i reach sch...
so cold!!!
but nvm one lah won't die of it...

during lit i played a game...
it's kind of fun...

after that eng..
they say do the megazine then what award..
i was being sabo a lot of time...
damn it...
why nominate me out when i am not fit to have that award....
what the hell...
it's like making fun of me...
luckily i never got any of those awards....

after sch went to tm with clara...
we juz walk walk and walk...
after that we sat at the same old place which we sat there
last week...
it's at the 2nd floor near isetan...

HAPPY BDAY TO CHING YEE!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

sometimes i am really being drag down by some people...
dont't know what to say lah...

i don't understand why i want to help ppl that much...
stupid me...
why i can't be ruthless and dt care abt what other's will think..

it make me so fucking angry...
fuck off man!!!
piss off also...
cb tmd nb...!!!!!

pek chek arx!!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-16T18:31:00.000-07:00

ytd then i know that it's ah gong death anniversary...
sian...

sometimes i talk to my brother i really very pek chek leh!!!
really don't like him quite a lot...
i think he also don't like me ba...
the first thing i don't like him is that he
always waste the water or electricity...
wash a stupid pot or brush his teeth he will waste a lot water...
damn it!!!
then at night he always on the hi-fi to listen to song/fm...
then after that he feel sleepy...
then he on mute then like that sleep...
how can he be like that!!!
he sld off first then sleep(u stupid pig!!!)

secondly he's a racist!!!
he keep on saying that all the indians are arrogant, proud all tis...
then i told him that it's not everyone...
everyone is different!!!
stuipid him!!!

lastly is that he always don't understand what i am talking...
i explain until damn clearly he also don't understand...
is i am too stupid or u trying to be stupid or
is that u r very stupid...

what i can say is that when i talk to him i can vomit blood...
PEK CHEK arx!!!!=x

today don't have the feeling to go out...
don't know why i am feeling damn blue since ytd...
i think is bcos of tml ba...
tml then know the exam result!!!
so scared...

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

today is another sian day....

almost late for sch today...
but thk god the uncle wait for me for a while..
so good of him!!!

then in the morning got the telematch..
i never play bcos of my stupid leg...
anyway after the telematch i went back to class...
then eat painkiller then i ok...
after i fell asleep in class...

then woke up at 11.18 ba..
i also don't know why i will feel giddy plus headache also...
stupid me...
walk also cannot walk in a straight line...
after the what olympic talk...
clara n i went down to the canteen there..
met hui peng again...

don't know why we keep on talking who diao who...
so lame...

after the student forum...
i guai kia...
i go back home...
u see i am so guai...(puke)
but on the way i also feel giddy...

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

exam is finally over...
but it left me with fear not freedom or feeling relax...
so scare that i will fail...
don't why i am always very scare after exam...
juz can't help it...
omg how how how???

tml got what stupid telematch...
also don't know why i join for what...
i don't even know what's this game abt...
stupid lah...(i mean myself)
juz anyhow play loh...
sian...

it's so confusing...
i don't what to do to settle my prob...
my only solution: SUICIDE...
it will stop my brain frm thinking everything so
i don't need to care anything anymore...

i think i don't deserve all the caring frm
teachers or whoever bcos i let you all down...
i am so sorry everyone...
my heart feeling that i m such a nuisance to you all...

today after exam clara n i went to tm there to walk...
so sian....
then met itzyan, shamimi n raudhal(dt noe how to spell)

after that i see clara back home...
then walk back home...
so long and the sun is very hot also...
but it's me who decide to walk so too bad for me...
walk halfway i was feeling kind of giddy...
then i can't walk in a straight line...
stupid me...

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-10T22:25:00.000-07:00

as my blood drip down from my wrist,
i can't feel anything anymore,
it doesn't hurt at all,
it's so numb just like how i feel in my heart,

my mind filled with all the confusing pictures,
it's too confuse that i felt like fainting,

hoping that the blood will drain faster,
to stop all the confusing pictures to flash over and over my mind,
as i lose my conscious i might be in a happy place that i am hoping for,
with all the happy things that i want...

SAD;xue yi

2007-10-07T00:14:00.000-07:00

*sighsssss*
so sian...
one wk never online le ba...

scare that i gonna to fail lit!!!
it's so difficult...
i throw away 19 marks!!!(i mean the minimum)
quite a lot questions i think of what
then i write...
i really can't afford to fail!!!
if i fail i don't what will i do...
suicide!!!

and the english i also hope that i will pass too...
the editing was like kind of difficult..
instead of finding the ten errors i juz found
5 may be(nt sure)..
english's the most important for me to go to the nxt level...
hais...=(

on fri hor...
after clara leave the sch at around 4 ba...(we were actually crapping alot)
i stay for a while...
then went to the blk opp. the main gate...
sit there and start stoning...
after i want to go 800+
so i walk walk walk while i tok a lot of
crap n nonsense to clara on the phone...
then i cross the road...
whao...i kena shock bcos when i turn
i saw ms kanni n mdm lee...
stupid me how can i be shock when i see cher...

more exams are coming up...
stress arx stress...
think i no need to slp anymore..
be a panda...

today went for tuition in the morning...
my brain going to brust...

now while i type i also kena flu suddenly...
stupid me....

HAPPY BDAY TO CLARA N LAM YAN!!!
hope that they enjoy themselves today...
even though i never go celebrate them...
so sry!!!

btw i don't know today is my bday or what...
bcos my father bought me a baby G watch...
that model wihch selina wore!!!
actually i like the one which hebe wore more...
but nvm it's better than nothing..

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

i think i should let my tor tor appear in my blog...

so long never blog le...

sld be so long never use com liao...

i was quite disappointed with myself...

bcos of the chinese paper 1 which i took ytd...

i think i did it badly bcos i completed it in pri sch

standard...

and i am glad that i have helped you by

stopping you to resort into using violence to solve ur prob...

i hope that you won't blame me...

i am so sorry...

that's what i can say to you...

sometime ignorance is blissful, not to know is better than know.

i really don't wish to know the truth...

but what can i do?

the truth is the truth what can i change???

i am very tired...

to a point that i really feel like giving up...

it's just the matter of when will give up...

i know it will be sooner or later a bit...

today i took the quiz on what kind of course will suit me

when i graduate frm sec sch...

i was shock that the ans is psychology studies...

actually it's not bad to be a counsellor or what loh...

think i sld consider it...

bcos i can help ppl...

anyway i think this is the second time i mentioning it...

which is anyone could call me at any time...

i am very willing to lend a listening ear...

i mean not prank call hor...

you prank call me i will kill you...

bcos i am really very irritated by prank callers!!!

f**k off man...

i think i really like to dig my own grave yard...

it so stupid of me...

can't tell the full detail...

i think my father just view what i wrote above...

tmd!!!

piss off lah...

but i nt sure whether he got read anot...

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

finally both of us talk to each other...
or else we look a bit like siao lyk that...

i got laugh like siao meh???
i also don't know...
sometime i really laugh for nothing which i think they r rite....

and i am sick of looking at bears le...
bcuz of art!!!
so sian lah...

then today stay in sch until 8 plus ba..
for night study with cy and ly...
we are so guai...
no lah is they guai lah...
or else i like BHB lyk tt...
stupid me...

i m really confuse by u!!!
i really hate u...
u make me feel damn worthless...
gtg go le...
tis person start to kp le
(clara i dt mean u)

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

fri went to fp for lunch with cy,ly and ms kanni...
after that i went to tm...
but this morning my day was like kind of being spoiled...
bcuz of that stupid auntie which i met when i come out frm the lift...
if i never waste my breath with this stupid person i might be
able to go back home to get my file which i never bring to sch...
fine it's ok...

then end of sch...
u juz walk off lyk that...
this is the first time u doing this so i was quite fed up by it...
even if i am in a bad mood i won't do this....
(btw i won't b angry bcos of this)

u are the one who make me happy
u are the one who make me sad
u are the one who make me worry
u are the one who make me touched
u are the one who go thorough my up and down wif me...
u are the one and only one who's so unique and precious...
so what do you expect from me???
i am not a perfect person...

i know that i won't hate u, blame u and think that i am always correct...
to u there's right and wrong but to me there's no right or wrong...
bcos a win-lose thought won't benefit both side...
a win-win though then will...
i will juz accept it and erase it frm my mind....
even though it's hard...
i think i don't understand you that well...
so that's why we have conflict...

for all i juz want to say sry for what i had done...

today went for tuition today...
then my teacher suddenly tok to the guy in front of me...
then i kena shock...
don't why i scare sia..
i was thinking how to solve a math prob then i suddenly
lyk jump up a bit...
so stupid of me...

it's 12.01am liao gtg le

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

long time never blog le...
but i have to make it short...
bcos it's getting late and my father is very bu shuang and start to sp le...
today went to fp with clara again...
and we make something si bei childish again...
then got a few aunties and uncles looking at us...
i think they thought that we are siao char bo bahs...
really gtg le...
(short and simple) 1st
then the 2nd one
last one(i lyk tis e most!!!)
we spend $1 on each of it!!!(u c clara's shoe?

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

(it's time for something "nice")
(veggies,ice cubes,noodle,meat...)so gross!!!
href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2MhIevjTBMs/Ruk1SGmX5lI/AAAAAAAAABU/NuMfQKicmyI/s1600-h/13092007(006).jpg">

(fake smile)

can't blog that regularly le...

got to revise until i die...

i am very scare that i will fail...

thinking of exam will make me panic like hell..

why u tio tai ji at the wrong time???

i don't know how to help you...

if i never help u i don't know what will happen to u...

then if i help u i don't know what will happen to me...

i don't want to have a lot probs after helping you...

but i once promise to u before...

how how how???

i really felt very sry to trouble a lot of people today...

sry i am useless...

i can't control myself...

and i am being stubborn...

i know u all are concern of me but i am such a let down...

stress!!!

SAD;xue yi = directions are all lost

2007-09-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

i am really si bei stress le!!!
pek chek arx!!!

i don't understand why i feel so sorry to a lot of ppl...
i don't know if i am wrong...
i think a lot of people are disappointed with me...
sry i am such a let down...

i find that forgiving myself is a very difficult task for me...
how to do that??????

now i like the song : sorry, blame it on me (akon)
parts of the lyrics really describe how i feel...

my heart really ache like hell...

gtg or else later my parent say i bcome siao everyday
go internet then don't want talk to them...

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

how to describe the past few days?
one word : SIAN!!!
me guai kia always stay at home...
never go out...(guai rite?)

wa lao...
recently got a lot of strangers keep on smsing me...
think i should go change my hp no. le...
peh chek leh!!!
they don't juz sms me once but keep on smsing me...
or call me loh...
one thing very cham is that i don't have caller id so i don't
know which call to avoid picking up...
$#%$#@!%$#%$#@!%$#%$#@!%$#$">!!!!!

then the eng hw i don't understand some part loh...
si bei peh chek leh!!!

gtg go le...(u c i make it short and simple)^.^

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

sian lah holiday still need to go back sch!!!
but nvm loh...
for the sake of my grade i will go for sure...

today woke up at around 8 am ba...
then kena flu...
keep on sneezing like hell...
then go to sch a bit late liao...
better late than never...
but i am better than hua yang, wei qing n a few others...
i think they late by 1 hour plus ba...

after history...
clara and i went to the blk near the sch there n sit...
but in the end she still need to go off...
TMD...
start to rain...
i got no key to go home...
so i went loitering/slacking around again...(my favourite)
but the prob is that i need to walk under the rain...
nvm so i choose to rest at blk 853...
i sat there for quite long to wait for my hair and clothes to dry...
wa lao...
when i was abt to leave got three guy come ka jiao me...
what give u my no...
might as well i kill u all first...
guess what i tell them when they want my no.?
i tell them that i got bf liao...(as if loh, who want me???)
then they say nvm...
me quickly walk + run off...

then bought waffle for my lunch...
went home quite early : 2.15 pm....
(guai kia sia)

i wonder why my father love to kp so much???
gtg le...

SAD;xue yi

2007-09-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

this few days i got no time to blog...
so sian!!!

had fun during the INDOOR ROWING...
think it was on wed...
don't really remember(i gettting old le)...

thu went to tm and cs with cy,ly,clara n tina
to buy present for teacher's day...
bought a big bear, pen ...blah blah blah...
then i don't remember who suggest to give mr chaw the bear if he
got the TEDDY BEAR award IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCH!!!
think is me...(i old liao can't rmb things very well)
then i volunteer myself loh...
anyway this isn't the first time i am doing that...

HAPPY belated TEACHER's DAY!!!
to all jyss teachers...

today actually i wanted to post an entry but very late le...
my father kp then i forget it...

today i went cycling...
then i happen pass by a funeral...
the sight of it hooks up my memories...
it makes me think of my grandfather who passes away last year...
and i felt very regretful bcos i am such a let down to him...

gtg le...(stopping my crap & nonsense)

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

today never come late to sch...
so lucky...
but very unlucky is that my wrist got prob again...
might as well chop off then can cure...

so today i juz got to know the hist TA result...
got A1...
but so what???
still got one more exam to go...
can't afford to fail any subjects...
if fail that's the end of my life...
to me result first then is my life...

and one more thing is that i throw away my 5 marks for my math!!!!
actually can get 43!!!
stupid me!!!
nxt time i got careless mistakes again, i will not going to forgive myself...

after sch got cca...
so sian sia...
today a "new" instructor come in...(i mean relief instructor)
then sing sing sing until 5.30pm loh!!!
me went loitering again...
but i am different frm those pai kia...
i juz walk around but never smoke or what lah....
until 6 plus then go home...
i juz simply love loitering...
becos i no need to go back home...
to face those faces and the 4 walls...

today i never contribute for the project...
i am so useless...
this kind of small things also can't help...
USELESS me!!!!

i wonder i am a dead person or an alive one...
there's no difference at all...
bcos nobody will notice it ba...
(dead= 100% ; alive = 0%)>.<

what i hate now:

myself( frm head to toe)
my home
my parent( but i will still fake as if i m very happy wif them)

i know my parent don't trust me...
i say the truth also say i lie to them...
wat do u wan???
i really hate myself...
i can't blame them bcos i am wrong...
everything i do is wrong...
they don't trust me i am also need to be blame for it...
i know u all hate me...

A UNWANTED PIECE OF RUBBISH!!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

this few days was quite sad and boring for me...
hearing things that really hurts me deeply...
why muz i pretend that i heard nothing???
should i hate u or myself???
i think i am to be blame for everything that i did...
i am always wrong...

things that i do all never went smoothly...
take projects for an example...
it's always dragging...
i always don't have the time...
because of tuition or personal probs...
why am i so useless???

sometimes i feel that i am unwanted...
i am like a piece of rubbish, but mayb i am worse than a piece of rubbish
bcos some rubbish can be recycled...

today i come late to sch again...
late bcos, i think a lot then can't control my emotion anymore...
so as i walk i start to cry....(i think a lot of ppl on the street tink i siao ba)
stupid me!!!
after om (old man aka mr tan, wakakasss!!!jk jk...so bad of me)let me go...
i went to the toilet cry until enough then walk back to class...
no one realise it...

i am a good faker!!!
even though my heart is hurting like hell...
i still can laugh like as if i am really very happy...

anyway today i stayed in class after school to deco the class loh...
stayed until quite late then go serve RR...
sit they cut paper loh...
then Jasmine sit in front of me loh...
so sian...
today early dimiss...
then clara come...
after a while that hui peng(1n2) also come...
then i walk them to a certain distance then go home loh...
hui peng behave like les lyk that loh...

gtg le...
i can hear a bit kpkb outside the room...

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

finally i can spare a little time to blog le...
but after that muz log off and be a guai kia go study...
math tml loh...
i am some kind of nervous...
SCARED!!!
sometimes i really can feel that my brain is going to burst!!!
(it's impossible bcos nobody had died bcos of brain bursting itself)

sometimes i am really very stupid...
i never think properly before i decide anything...
then until i regret it then it is too late...
so i have to just accept it...
saying "no" to someone is also a difficult task for me...
that's why sometimes i really have to question myself
whether is this particular person using me for its benefit...
i really have to learn how to say 'no' to a person...
becos sometimes people ask me to do a wrong thing i will also go and do it...
stupid rite???

today after sch i went to ntuc with cy and zx...
we were laughing at the guard there....
i mean the guard were not wearing the uniform ones...
it's so bad of us to laugh at him...
but that's bcos the way he walk andd the clothes he
were wearing was kind of funny and weird...

after that i went to cy hse...
bcos i never bring my key again!!!
ytd me went to fp outside there sit and read the notes...
then today her hse which is better loh...
nothing much to do there...
then go home le loh...

today i discovered something which make me very confuse...
it's better to know lesser than to know too much...

gtg le..
have to bcome a guai kia or else if i fail i will blame myself forever!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

i think i am too busy to write anymore...
haven't finsh typing the history notes!!!
then later still need to study for sci tml!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

today came to sch late again!!!
i think i got some problem with going to sch puntually...
might as well die le ba!!!

actually i want to pon sch de but mr vahhid say got test then
can't take it if i don't have a valid reason...
then go in loh...
stand there like a statue like that...
wa lao today got quite a lot of people late loh...
but go back class then i know that the test is change to thu!!!
tmd...or else i pon le loh...
nvm...

but i went a bit mad during lit...
tmd...
mdm irmawati took away my pen-knife loh...
i was actually a bit angry...
but it's ok...
i still got a lot at home...
hack cares abt this pathetic pen-knife...
i think mdm fauziah was quite fed up with me abt it...
but it's ok de loh...
no one will care abt me...
so why i care so much for what???
she was like put all the blame to the class loh...
that's what i heard frm clara...
if that's true...
i think firstly i need to tell her that this's my prob not other ppl...
who can control my mind to do what???
obviously it's me ok...
i really can feel that i am such a let down...
for everthing i did...
i juz did it all wrong...
i don't what were the things that i did it correctly...
seriously i am damn confused by everyone in this world....
i don't know what is wrong with my brain...
to be dead is better than living...

got to serve RR after sch...
so sian loh...
no one pei me...

now i really want to say sry...
bcos sometime i really can't control my temper then i start to scold people...
i think on one can tolerate my temper ba...

gtg le my father start to kpkb...!!!

confusion landed on my head!!!
SAD;xue yi

2007-08-18T23:01:00.000-07:00

ytd was not a good day...
morning got art loh...
1 word to describe it: sian!!!
but i got excused for one period...

and what's more is that...
the knowledge was very dark and damn windy in the morning...
i was kind of freak out by it...
memories flashed back...
PE: played badminton for a while...

after recess clara like got mood swing like that loh...
give me attitude sia...
but nvm as if i care like that...
i already said before i can tolerate everything...
but you don't let me burst will do...
bcos i don't what i will do...
suicide?
become siao???
=.-

after sch i stayed at the classroom loh...
to finish the english ws...
then straight away go for choir...
never take lunch but it's ok i am not feeling hungry...
i rather faint then getting scolding frm mdm fauziah...
bcuz her voice really can blast into my ear and it will like make
me deaf...
life isn't really very important to me...

after choir went to knowledge zone to finish the lit project
de reflection...
never contribute a lot then i will do the reflection loh...
but i think all i write is nonsense and crap...
that captain hardcastle like got nothing to learn frm him...
so i think all i wrote were nonsense...
and i finished the NE reflection also...
then i counted how many people had handed up...
and it was juz the pathetic 16 peoples...(included me)
not even half the class...
i think this is like from bad to worst already...
especially the guys...
our behaviour sux...
like got nothing good like tat...

today got tuition loh...
i don't what to say abot my teacher loh...
i think sarcastic is the best word ba...

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

i juz need time to cool down myself!!!
heart felt full of anger!!!

2007-08-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

today walk to sch then met phoebe and zx...
we walk in together loh...

every morning i always hope that mdm fauziah will not appear...
but she always appear de loh...
then almost every time i see her i need to pull down my skirt...
or else she will shout "JENNIFER!!!" then blah blah blah...
anyway ytd i was lucky loh...
during assembly, she only focus on my tie and fringe nia...
never see my skirt!!! =D

alright my temper wasn't damn good...
history that time need to do grp work then i was feeling
very stress over somethings and there's anger inside my heart...
until eliz n clara talk abt the camera...
so we asked cy they all abt the camera...
then they gave us the reply until i lost my temper and started
shouting...
but not very loud...
they don't really know how fierce i can be when i lost my temper...
today was like 30% only...
luckily i never scold cb, nb, fucker all this kind of vulgar language...
even though i really feel like saying this out but i manage to control...

i think they don't have common sense...
the camera belongs to renuka...
then she's our grp member loh...
she lend them the cam for two days already then still
haven't start using...
what really made me angry was that...
they said that renuka said that she only lend to them
and told them not lend to others...
but the word 'others' don't refer to her own group loh...
where got people so stupid lend others
the cam to complete the work then don't want to lend
your own grp(if there's tis kind of ppl rite...i tink tis person sld call BLOODY IDIOT)...
then cy they all still say return back to us tml...
what for???when the due date is tml...
they thought what i tml don't have cca arx!!!???
a lot of time is it????

after sch i stayed back again...
do stupid hw loh...
no lah should be i stupid...

STRESS
USELESS
ANGRY

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

can see my leg!!!

my smile is too fake le!!!

so sian de!!!

long time never blog le...

ytd my stupid bday loh!!!
got a couple of presents...
got donkey(eeyore!!!) n doggy soft toy...

then still got necklace...

blah blah...

went for cca ytd...

and it's very sian loh...
keep on singing the same song over and over again...

choir end at around 6pm...

then i went loitering around...
after that i had dinner with my family at seoul garden restaurant...

after that we went to see the oven and mixer...

all for baking de...
while my parent was talking fei hua with the person there...

then i called clara to talk 'crap' and 'nonsense' loh(my favourite is to talk

nonsense)...

reach home at around 10 pm+ ba....

today went to tm again...

but today i went to cut my hair loh (i miss my fringe!!!)...

wakakass...
seriously i miss my fringe!!!

i don't want people to see my face so i use my

fringe to cover my face...

went home at 7pm+

taken some pic today...

as u can see on top...

gtg le...

my father start kp le!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

had a damn lame national day...
si bei sian loh...
nvm used to it le...

then ytd hor...
in the morning i went out with my mother to catch a movie...
actually i want to watch the movie ALONE but in the morning don't
have this movie then my mother decided to watch RUSH HOUR 3...
it was quite funny...
especially the guy tucker
i like the end of the movie got NG scenes(cuz it's like kind of funny)...
i still remember jackie chan said 'cheese' instead of 'freeze'...
after that we went walking around cs and tm...
i bought both shirt and short from ice lemon tee...
after that i accompany my mother to the bank loh...
met my neighbour there...
then very unlucky loh also met both the green and purple freak...
not really freak lah but always seen them one wearing green
then another one wear purple...
actually still got one more girl but i don't really rmb what
she usually wears...
they always behave arrogantly or bitchy and i sort of irritated by them..

today i can felt that i am so stupid...
but nvm don't talk abt it...
because i can feel that i am already such an idiot already then if
i say...
it will make me feel more stupid...
but anyway tml still got math tuition...
8 am start...
then it's a bit far away frm my stupid hse so muz wake up
early also...

now i find that the eeyore that my mother bought for me,
the hair really look like medaline de hair...
but anyway i long time never see her le...
last time seeing her is at tm de mac, if i am not wrong ba...

got to stop my rubbish le...

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

today in the early morning my day was spoil
by my "personal prob"...
it make me lost my temper...
i told myself not to slash again...
but why can't i do it...
there's no point making a promise to myself...

i went late to sch...
and it's really damn late 8.10 am reached sch...
the om say my reason is not a valid one...
ok everything is my fault...
that om call me to see mr silva but in the end i never...
when i walk in i went broke down again...
why can't i control it??????
they say that they will explain but in the end there's no one explaining for me...
nvm i don't mind that everything is my fault can...
i deserved it...
probably i deserve to die also...
now i am awaiting for my punishment...
recovery rm also can...
whatever i don't care le...
killing me also can...
bcuz i already don't care for my life already...
whatever i do are all wrong...
everyone is correct but not me...
i am at fault...
SRY to everyone...

sometimes i felt that my life was too eventful until i want to give up...
it's like a kind of psychologically torturing to me...

today got the food & fun fair tingy...
i felt so bad for not helping them to prepare the food...
but in the end i go with cy they all go sell the food...
muz keep on saying thk u...
until i like no breathe like that...

after sch i stayed back a while to do the art...
then went to fp to buy a drink...
met ms kanni...
then i went to the staircase and car park to sit...

when i walked back home i met cy at near my hse that
playground...
actually when i am walking back home i was feeling a bit giddy...
faint also nvm de...
it's not the first time...

got to stop le...
or else later got people start to kp...

SAD;xue yi (hatred)

2007-08-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

sat had math tuition again...
learn quadratic graph wa lao the stupid ruler very difficult to bend loh...
spent a long time to do the questions...

sian sian sian...
everyday's the same one...
living with no purpose...
at noon eliz and clara went to the playground at my hse there...
they brought the camera and bread...
then there was that indian girl around 3 to 4 yrs old ba...
she damn funny cya...
she told eliz that she want to see...
then our question was that "what you want to see???"
then in the end we finally know what she talking she was saying sit...
then i lent clara my stupid bike to ride...

alright my mother bought a donkey soft toy(eeyore) for me...
the size is like a three year old kid...
and that's my bday present...

i don't why i felt very guilty towards everything...
i think that everything that i do was wrong...
why am i so lousy???
i can't help thinking that i am inferior as compared to others...
i am really lost in this confusing world!!!
why am i living???
i really don't feel like cherishing this stupid life of mine!!!

today i was damn angry with renuka...
everything also cannot...
alright i don't give a damn abt her...
but she really let me scold a lot of vulgar language today...
and today i also have make the stupid cartoon sound...
make me feel that i am an idiot and make me feel stupid also...

8 more days to my pathetic bday...
thinking of it make me feel scare of it...
i got to stop already...
because there's someone start to kpkb already...

SAD;xue yi

2007-08-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

this few day really sux to core...
ytd went for the BITC then reach home at 6.30 pm like that...
bake a cold set cheese cake...
it was quite fun to mix the mixture and...
overall it was fun to be there...
it taste quite nice also...
probably i bake my bday cake on my bday ba...
LAME!!! -.=
ya hor clara ytd keep on saying "baka baka!!!"
and laugh like hell also...

today recess i went to knowledge zone to sit there alone...
then had lit...
then hist again...
the test was cancelled but i don't postpone to when...
she never tell us abt it...
then we went for the photo taking...
i was surprise that mr teo came...
after that i rush to the f&n lesson...
me and kim was in a mess when we were cooking...
but we still manage to finish it...
after sch i stayed back with cy,ly and tina for a while...
i want to finish the eng draft 2...
then they go first so i go look for zx...
she was doing her project...
after her grp finish the project i "help" them by drinking the
soft drink which was left after doing it...

sometimes i don't understand why human can change a lot
over a short period of time...
if they change into a better person it's good...
but become bad then this is really a real big prob to me...

i once post that words can heal or hurt a person...
and i think that this also applys to being able to control your temper too...
i agreed that i am a person sometimes with a damn bad temper...
so i should change myself...
being able to change oneself is also a damn difficult task...

i think i have to stop le or else my father will start to kpkb!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

ok i am really a damn good predictor...
i guess that i will have a damn bad day and it really come true...
i was irritated by those "idiots"...
to me they are all idiots...
why can't they think of what others was thinking of...
when they doing something to that particular person...
alright i was thinking of some personal prob when they were
throwing things at me...
and i went broke down...
i was juz feeling damn miserable as i had tolerated a lot of things since young
until i can't take it...all the bad memories juz came rushing out of my mind...

i juz want to comment on one thing abt that relief teacher ms devi...
i really feel like giving her a good bashing...
but of course i can't do it...
don't want to get into trouble again...

after sch i never stay in sch like usual like that...
so i went with ching yee, lam yan and tina to kfc...
but before we go there we had a really long chat with the cleaner auntie...
think we talk for 1hr like that ba...

after we ate we went back home...
i chose to walk back home...
or else i will grow fatter...
actually i was suppose to meet cy and ly for a run but in the end i never go....
sad sad sad...
nvm everything is sad to me...

i don't really feel like eating my stupid dinner!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

alright it's so sian for the whole day...
got tuition...
then late then kena nagging...
at there my kor told me to buy bread then after that say don't need...
making me so blur...
then he went home first...

now i am doing the hist hw...
doing the Lee kuan yew and the S. rajaratnam...
i never bring back my eng ws...
sure die de tml...
think i will get shouting or scolding...
ok i am soooooo stupid!!!
unforgivable...

i think tml is going to be a bad day...
i predict it....
hope that's not true...
rather die than to be unhappy...
ok got to stop le...
or else can't finish the hw then tml no need to live...

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

today the whole day was damn lame...
like got nothing to do...
(live for no purpose)
alright today our class is having the last "family time" with mr teo...
so he gave us chocolate and lolipop...
i love lolipop!!!
i felt that our class is so bad...
as we always never behave and make the teachers angry for almost everytime...

today wasn't a damn good day for me...
in fact is everyday also not good at all...
why???
that's because i accidentally deleted a document which i had prepared for
almost the whole week...
and i can't find it now plus i never do a back up...
frustrated!!!
i am so stupid!!!

after i had choir but i went late for it...
cuz i stayed back to finish the eng journal writing...
if i never hand in i think she will scold me....
well we prepare the national day...
so lame...
ms tan say that we are suppose to lead the whole sch to sing...
and i find that a bit stupid, cuz we are not in pri ach but sec sch...
as if there's people is going to sing...

after choir i went to ntuc to buy twisties then i met kimie...
then went back home...
no one is at home...
BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
got to stop le!!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

ytd went to that singapore poly...
had that stupid treasure hunt...
the sch was damn big...
my team manage to complete it in time...
even though we never win anything...
but at least we completed it...

i juz started playing war bears...
it's like kind of stupid to play...
but it's damn challenging to play...
(www.warbears.com)
muz go and play...
if you can solve that mission please tell me...
cuz i don't really have the time finish it...

alright today i really felt very stress this morning...
don't feel like talking...
oh yes! almost forget that this morning mdm fauziah catch zi xuan and my
skirt again...
i don't see that it's wrong to wear short skirt in sch...
when there's still a lot girls wearing skirt which is shorter than mine...
but no point saying that as it's sch rules, so i can't change it...

the lit test was cancelled...
but it become TA2...
all the tests are comin soon...
so i need to focus 100% in class...(i will try to do that)

life really sux to core!!!
having to face all kind of experiences from the day i am born until now...
i know that i am reluctant to face it but i really hate it...
really got to stop my rubbish...
you may dump everything that you read into the rubbish bin!!!

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

alright ytd went for my tuition and i was late for around 30mins...
the stupid bus so long then come...
i felt so stupid for the whole day...
it was so boring...

let me talk abt today ba...
i almost late for sch today...
i am so lucky that i am not limping now, or else i will be late...
today that mr vaahid was back sch...
he said that he is going back for his army tingy for another 2 wks...
wa lao then might as well call him change another teacher to teach us...
now no choice le...
die die muz study very hard to pass the hist exam and test...

alright i know that i have to believe that i can do it...
even though it's hard for me to convince myself...
now i have to study as hard as i can...
so as to pass all the exams with flying colours...

today stayed back in sch to do the math ws with eliz and clara...
i don't know why i keep on repeating that i am damn stupid...
eliz was quite angry when she heard me saying myself stupid...
so i tried my best to stop saying it...
eliz went home first...
i still rmb that when i am talking with clara abt the streaming...
she suddenly bcome very hot-tempered...
alright so i stop talking and went staring at the field...

now i don't know which class i should choose...
i have no confidence...
but all i know is that i should believe that i can do it...
no matter how hard i will convince myself...
i decide to start revising all chapters for all the subjects frm tml onwards...

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

ytd ran that 2.4 km and had that stupid gastric pain...
i really have to agreed that i am damn stubborn...
i juz wanna say sry to clara abt my stubbornness...
really got to change myself (si bei difficult)
went for that meet the parent tingy...
but of course my parent never come...
as if they really care abt it...
i don't what to say about the sch for changing that subject combination tingy...
after knowing that they change the 3e4 i went really very stress...
i chose 3e4 and got in for the streaming is bcuz i no need to take triple science
i juz want that A maths that's all...
now 3e3 and 3e4 is the same le...
during that meet the parent tingy...
it make me confirm that majority of the parents
only care the result that their child is producing but not their feelings...
thinking of that make feel that this world is too cold...
after that i went to the toilet...
start punching and kicking the wall...
if there's no one i will knock my head against it...
i should have bring my penknife along...
so stupid of me...
STRESS
HATRED
SCARE
FEAR
NO CONFIDENT
i really doubt myself whether if i can do it...

after that i stroll back home...
i went to the playground to sit at the swing...
started crying...
i juz need to calm myself down...
so as to act as if there's nothing happen to me when my parent see me...
and i manage to do that...
i could actually smile in front of them...
but once i got into my room i started to cry again...

anyway i have to go for tuition tml...
sian lah...

i told myself not to give up on myself...
but it's damn difficult until i feel like
probably self-destruction suit me most...

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

tues had choir prac again...
so sian...
actually i wanted to pon but nvm i will juz go ba...
that was damn sian...
do the breathing stuff and "ah ah ah....la la la...."
whatever lah...
still got vocal test like that loh...
they let us of 5.30pm...
so i can't loiter loh...
or else i will definitely go car park there and sit...

alright my hp become siao le...
so can't sms or call anyone...
almost die because of that...
i am damn desperate to use my hp!!!

ytd was Racial Harmony Day...
we were suppose to wear another races costume,
so as to help our class to score...
i knew that most of our classmates don't give a damn about it...
so i juz give up on them...
so i lent an indian suit from eliz to wear...
all eight of us: clara, eliz, kim, renu, tina, ching yee, lam yan, mardiah and me
were late...
all of us decided to stay in the toilet...
anyway i was very peh seh for the whole day...
until clara and i changed back to our uni then i was relief...

today clara never come...
alright it's ok...
today F&N we baked cake...
that hua yang left me to wash everything...
but it's ok...i wasn't that petty
i went break down again during the eng period...
i don't know why i cry, i told myself not to cry again in class but i fail
to do so...
mdm fauziah talks to me until i thought of something and started to cry...
at around 5pm i help ms Lim to tie the piece of paper...
onto the lollipop...
and went back home at around 5.30pm...

well i juz want to remind everyone that my stupid bday is coming...
26 more days....
well i am not hoping that it will come...
because i am afraid that it will be a bad memory for me...

HATRED!!!
SAD;xue yi

2007-07-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

fri i had tuition...
that day i never eat before going tuition...
so i was feeling a bit giddy then i cross the stupid road
i almost get knock by a car...
tuition tuition it seems like everyday got tuition...

the weekend was so boring...
nothing to do...
why i got nothing???
yes, i know why that's becuz i am juz a good for nothing and useless person...

ytd i tried to ride my bike...
and i can ride it...
but the problem is that my knee the joint still hurts...
hack cares abt it...
as if i care alot for myself...
i don't give a damn for my life....
you want my life then you take it...

today wasn't very good day...
should be everyday the same...
alright this morning got science test but too bad i forgot to bring my
sci t/b back home so i never study...
i sure fail de...
every test also like that...
i am juz stupid...
no more confidence...
alright this morning mr chaw say that he would call
the late comers parent and of course i am one of them...
during recess i went to knowledge zone there to sit alone...
i juz need to be alone for a while....

after sch we were not suppose to stay back in sch for today...
so i went loitering around...
so i decided to sit at the staricase near the food palace there...

then i went back to food palace to buy a drink...
when i sat down then i notice ms kanni, mr silva and still got one more teacher
don't who is she...
then i almost choke by my saliva...

i juz know that mr chaw actually called my father but not my mother...
damn it...
that was not what i expected...
i don't know i should hate him or what...
i think he told my father something like if i late a lot again
then i will get counselling..
funny cya!!!

I DON'T WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, BUT
WHY DO YOU ALL GET TO KNOW IT???
SHOULD I BLAME IT TO SOMEONE ELSE OR MYSELF???
I REALLY HATE YOU ALL!!!
DO YOU THINK YOU ALL REALLY KNOW ME THAT WELL...

4EVER FAKING SMILE...

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

tues i had the F&N test...
think i am going to fail...
anyway it's over so i can't do anything about it also...
alright i had choir prac after sch...
now the choir instructor was changed to a woman...
i thought that she's going to call ask to sing a song...
cuz the choir committee say so...
so i prepared a song by fish leong( 梁静茹) call 失忆 (lost of memory)
but in the end she never ask us to sing the song that we prepared...
she taught us some basic breathing technique cuz we were lousy at that...
she call some people to come out and sing the SYF set piece...
and i was chosen by her to sing, so unlucky...
i should had sing softer when she pick peoples...
went home after that...

ytd took the math test...
i was so scare that my hands turn cold and started to shiver...
after that test i don't know what i am talking about...
went a bit crazy...
after sch i went to the knowledge zone with clara...
we sat down there and start chatting...
and she left at 3 plus...
but i don't feel like going back home...
so i stayed back and started to read the hist t/b...
frm chap 1 i read to chap 4 then ms kanni came...
ok then i left the sch around 4.45pm

had lit for today...
so we discuss the project...
i think we don't have the time to finish it...
cuz mdm irmawati call the whole class to finish it by mon...
today the mr vaahid never come to sch!!!
so happy cya!!!
when the relief teacher came in, the whole class cheered...
after that we went for our F&N class...
we bake the sardine pastries...
after that it was eng, my group managed to finish the project...
after that went to cs and tm with clara...
meet her sis too...
blah blah then go home loh...

this few days, i don't know why my hands keep on shivering and turn cold easily...
but this is ok...
the prob is that sometime i am still coughing... (it's been 1 month+)
ok i got to stop all my nonsenses!!!

I AM TRYING TO STOP MYSELF FROM HATING YOU!!!BUT WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME TO HATE YOU MORE???

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

today i went mad again...
damn it in the morning that ng and vanan keep on calling us to run...
so clara they all ran first...
i was still limping so i couldn't go very fast...
then still muz sit down on the floor, then i put my leg straight...
when i get up i could only use one hand to get up...
and it's so difficult to do that...

and one more thing is that in the morning still need to see the mr vaahid
face...
still rmb that he wore like a bus driver ytd...
so funny cya!!!
anyway today his teaching also sux!!!
don't know what to say about him...
clara was laughing at his forehead then i join her...
but we didn't went mad...

recess went to knowledge zone with renuka and clara to
study the lit book as we thought there's test, but in the end there's
no test...
and one more thing is that ms hidaya came into our class and told
us that there's oral...
then i was like kind of shock by it and felt very unhappy about it...
but after recess the ms nadai came in and told us that it's postponed
to this fri...
then i was relief...
why am i so afraid of it because i am not prepared and had no confident...
now i am afraid of every test or exam...
like for example i never fail my maths and i get A1 for almost every time...
but i am still afraid that i will fail...
my confident was gone bcuz of our the words that hurt me too deep...
who will know the pain i had now???
the things that i experienced, the chances of people
experiencing it was low...
so why god choose me to go through this kind of things???
sometime life's too stress to carry on...
making me wanted to give up, but why there's people stopping me to
end it???
my existence doesn't a make a difference in this world...

anyway i went mad again...
today i laugh like hell when there's nothing really damn funny for me to laugh...
clara laugh i will also laugh...

we stayed back in sch...
she teach me the graph tingy cuz i miss it when i am absence...
blah blah blah...
got to stop...

addicted to the song-NEVER AGAIN by kelly clarkson

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

now it's not holiday so i don't really have the time to blog...
i need to straighten my leg for a week...
even if i am not bending my knee that stupid knee of mine will still hurt...
sprain my wrist also...
sometime i think that life has given too much pain, psychologically or physically...
until a point i wanted to give up...

i felt very sorry for not celebrating tina's bday with her on 5th of july...
because of my stupid knee loh...
nvm now i wish her a very belated bday...

i really have to comment about the history teacher. he SUX ok!!!
the whole class don't know what the hell he's teaching...
but i think except en cai ba..he's a genius...
if he's going to continue and teach us, i think almost the whole class will fail
the exam...
i am panicking now for my history...
i am not a person who doesn't give a damn about my studies,
even though i look like i don't...
if i fail my exam and doesn't promote to the next level,
i don't know what i will do to myself...
to me exam fail is end of everything...

i am tired of the lifestyle i am leading...
really felt very useless...
hopeless
unwanted by a lot of people...
what is the feeling of being real happy...
when i am feeling happy there will be 10% of sadness there...
or totally zero equals to acting happy...

tml had to go kong meng shan there to pray for my grandpa...
then after that i think my family is going to my grandma hse...
so sian...
they will be talking hokkien again then if my grandma
is going to ask me question i will going to be nodding my head
or saying "arx" or "ya"...

ytd night i went for tuition...
my tuition teacher gave me $10 for me to take taxi
back home whn the tuition end...
i got a shock by that...
he' s a good teacher but he love to nag but i already get used to it...

SAD;xue yi

2007-07-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

alright so long never blog le...
cuz i don't feel like blogging with my leg so pain...
so stupid of me to fall down on fri during the 2.4km run...
actuall before the run i can sense that i might fall down during the run
and it really happen...
so stupid of me to trip over a stone...
ching yee, zi xuan n faizah bring me to the toilet
to clean my wound...whn ching yee was about to clean,
i will scream like someone is going to kill me...
and i can't control my mouth so i said "what the fuck"...
and i still need to stay back for the choir's instructor farewell party...
a lot of people cried...
i managed to hold my tears back...
but once i reach home i cry like hell...

for the past two nights i can't sleep very well cuz my knee
hurts like hell...
i sleep halfway i would wake up with tears and sweat...
it's unbearable until i need to take ice pack to place it around the area...
think i got infection...
some part of the wound turns yellow...
juz now i had my lunch but after that i feel like throwing up...

guess when's mine first operation???
it's a minor one...
and that's when i am 8mths old...
look at my face and try to spot the scars it's still on my face
but not very obvious...

SAD;xue yi

words can heal and words can harm...

2007-07-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

someone that i don't know e-mail me this article. and i totally agree
with this article...but i post part of it only...

Words are very important. Words can heal and words can harm. Words can hurt grievously and for a long time. The tongue can bless and the tongue can curse. It is very important for us to control our words and tame our tongue when we are angry. Many times, when we are angry we say the most atrocious things. We forget ourselves and become indifferent to what we say. We blast the other person without mercy, although we may not mean those words. But words once spoken cannot be taken back and it takes a long time to forgive and forget. We have to exercise self-control. Many couples are particularly prone to such outbursts when they get mad. But it is not an easy thing to control our tongue when we are provoked, boiled over with anger or have outburst of wrath. It is at such time that we have to learn to hold our tongue and to remain silent. If we can’t tame our tongue, we have to take a break or go for a walk to cool off. It is much easier to control the words before the blow-up than during the explosion.

Uncontrollable words spoken in anger can have devastating effect. Angry words, that are used unthinkingly, such as “I don’t care,” ”I can’t be bothered,” “I don’t need you,” or “you can go to hell” cause pain and feelings of rejection. They give rise to insecurity. The unmeant and foolish words contain full of deadly poison and can play havoc in the mind. The unruly words get churned over for hours on end and create their worst mischief in a difficult relationship. It can take a very long time to forgive what was said. Let us learn to turn away from angry words before they leave our mouth and try to say healing words instead. Father Henri Nouwen said, “It is so important to choose our words wisely. When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent. Words spoken in rage will make reconciliation very hard. Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses, often starts by choosing to remain silent or choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.”

We must also be very careful that in our anger we do not label our children with ugly names such as fat, stupid, snake, pig, moron, ‘kay-poh’(busy-body), useless, good for nothing. Such negative words can do harm to them for years to come! Henri Nouwen said, “When we say to someone, ‘You are an ugly, useless, despicable person,’ we might have ruined the possibility for a relationship with that person for life. Words can continue to do harm for many years.”

SAD;xue yi

2007-06-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

ytd after stayed back in sch with clara to finish some work...
after finishing the work, we juz sat there and talk and thinking where to go...
but in the end we went home...
as usual staying at home is so sian...
do hw...
blah blah blah ~.~

i didn't manage to complete the math hw ytd,
so i stayed back with clara to finish the work and discuss it too...
we keep on talking nonsense...
then we went mad and insane...
looking at each other also can laugh, i never tell her any lame joke or watever...
she also can laugh...
nvm i also went crazy also...
i laugh until i cry, but we still manage to complete it.
after laughing so long there's a sudden sadness in me...
suddenly some things flash through my mind which sadden me...
i juz don't understand why my mother juz can't believe me...
told her that i am in sch she also can't believe me...
keep on saying that i am with some boys...
that can't be possible i had already reject all..
alright i might as well give up on convincing her...
since she doesn't believe me then why she still ask me where am i...

haven't finish my summary yet...
*SIGHSSS!!!*
got to finish it fast...
or else mdm fauziah would shout at me tml...
probably i could die before she could do that...

SADDENING...

SAD;xue yi

2007-06-25T19:53:00.000-07:00

well, i juz quarrel with my brother again on fri...
but i juz can't control my temper bcuz of his attitude...
he acts like a gangster...
and what's more is that he even threatens me that he would ask
people to beat me up when i am outside...
to me it doesn't matter at all...
this isn't the first time...

holiday finally end...
today go back to sch le...
walking halfway in the parade square then the carrot pat my
shoulder very hard cya!!!no i mean clara aka ra ra...
her fringe is so short...
talking abt hair rite...
i haven't cut mine yet...
a bit look like ghost, wakakasss...lol... =.=
in the morning i went a bit crazy...
keep on ka jiao people...
until the afternoon then bcome normal...
suddenly felt stress and don't feel like talking...
today i am so unlucky...
mdm fauziah change my seat with ming shun
then i am sitting with that stupid yu xin...
really detest sitting with him or anyone from jeremy that gang...
i know that they doesn't like me
and when they heard my name they will lyk make a "yew" sound...
i don't know what i had done to make them detest me...
i never even talk to them before, what they want me to do???
vanish in this world???
probably i should really vanish in this world...

stayed back with clara in sch to finish some hw...
talk a lot of nonsenses and laugh like mad...
to me the more happy i am =to sad
acting siao and happy is very simple...

now i need to transfer the ans that i copy to that eng ws...
who ask me to lose it...
and that day the last day of sch b4 holiday...
clara and i are suppose to get a copy of math hw but we went to help mr teo
to put the result slip then we wasn't inform...
now mr chew don't care about what reason we had and call us to finish it by tml
well, i shouldn't blame anyone juz blame myself will do...
for being so stupid and useless...

if you ask me where is the best place to go,
i will tell you at nite go to a multi-storey carpark the top floor and sit down...
no one will come and bother you, only occasionally...
sometime also can shout but not too loud or else got people discover me...

SAD;xue yi

2007-06-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

ytd went tuition again...
sian sian sian...
write halfway my shoulder ache again...
always like that one...
i am the second last to left...
left at 9.09pm...
stroll slowly to the bus-stop then stroll slowly back home...
reached at 9.45pm like that...

today my brother's bday...
don't know what to say to him...
so juz wish him a happy baday in my heart...
very hard to speak to him...
nvm juz call him go die...
wakakass!!! =x >.<
still copying the ws...
got to finish copying it by today!!!
but i think that i am not going to finish it on time...
some i don't know how to write...
like the singapore short stories hw...
teacher call us to write your thoughts and feelings...
what the hell i juz can't think of anything to write...

thing that are done cannot be undone anymore...
it's like a scar there forever in the heart...
it will never recover...
but it's difficult to accept the truth...
the only thing that can be done is to try to forget it...

SAD;xue yi