I feel so lonely inside. My social anxiety disorder is taking over my whole life, I want to break free from it but I can't. It has got worse over the years, I find it so hard to communicate with people who I call friends. Maybe it's because I always cooped up at home. It's just so difficult for me to leave my home, when I see strangers around me when I'm alone I will feel super stressed out. I have very serious self image issue from my skin condition, to me people seem to be calling me a freak in their head. And some really expressed how their feel about me through their facial expression, from giving me a disgusted look to glaring at me fiercely like I shouldn't exist. How to not hate getting out of the house? And because of the lack of commuincation with human beings other than my dear mom, I am afraid of any forms of communication with humans. Whenever my cell phone or house phone rings my heart will start racing and I refuse to pick up or make a call even when it's necessary. Hanging out with 'friends'( I hope they consider me as friend) is kind of worse because I have nothing interesting about my life to talk or share about(who wants to know about my mundane life?) and we don't have anything in common to talk too. I can only listen to them chatting and laugh along when I think it's funny. But I realize I could make a good listener because I won't interrupt you when you talk and I might give you some advices from my shallow thoughts. Be warned that going out with me without a thrid person tagging along will be very bored because I don't speak much unless you have lots of things to tell me. I really miss the old me which I would make lame jokes or have somethig to tell people. I am still in search of the old me hopefully I can find her someday.

Will update about my tsw(topical steriod withdrawal) experience on my next post but I don't know when. No one reads my blog anyway. :)