I got to admit that I love attention from a lot of people that's why I always love to be in any leadership position it's just that I am shy to admit it and always say no to it.
Then the next is to become a pilot. But now I am so scare of studying and I can't do it without a certificate. Why am I dreaming too much?
so all those audition should I go?
What do you wanna me to do? Do you think that you are the only one in agony? Don't you know how my brain and heart hurts? don't you know how hard I cried when I am alone in my dark room..
Is everything that's happening all my fault? you hate the way I lead my life then do you think I like it? I hate it so much that I wish I could end it and because of you I tried my best to carry on with this damn life.
died off at: 9:49 AM;
Friday, January 15, 2010
Why is there all kind of deadline? why are you all forcing me? who will not want a bright future? but at least let me carry on with my damn life with confidence first. I also wonder what am I doing.
I really hate myself to think about all my dream. why am I doing all this? why can't I force myself to study. when deadline comes will I be dead too?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
now I am blogging using my phone via wi fi..just a while ago, I was hugging my pooh bear sleeping.. There was quite a commotion outside my room. Because the school counsellor comes to my home alright about this point I tell myself not to be angry about it.. as I really hate people coming to my house. But without her coming I think I won't be able to see my father's acting in action again..
what a hypocrite he is.. I am still wondering how is he able to complain to others how bad is my mother and I.. saying that my mother never do any housework I really feel like rushing out from my room and give he a tight slap then ask him why do all his clean clothes come from. And I really want to ask him who have cause my family to become like this? it's him who make everything turns out to be like this! what had he done outside for the past 10-11 years? I know clearly that he won't admit to his wrongdoings so there's really no point arguing with him as he's someone who won't want to lose in an argument. how long had he been verbally abusing us I think he won't admit to this too. I know I am not a judge who can decide who's wrong but from everything that had happen I really hate him. Why's the attitude toward us is like this? over this ten years it had change from bad to worst..
and just now he even told the counsellor that he did ask me to go to school. what a joke man! he had never talk to us like for 3 weeks yet he can say all this. HYPOCRITE!
I really hate humans in this world except for my mom, brother and a few friends. Whoever that hurts my mother or scold my mother will get it from me because I really love her a lot.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Why do I have this kind of father? Why is he making me to hate him so much? why is it that you become such a heartless bastard?
when the day come I will stab you to death and commit suicide.. We will perish together. I won't let you to have a happy time with those bitch.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It seems like everybody is fine and happy without me in their life. After all I am not that important, it's a fact that I will try to accept.
"I can't live without you" , I think in this pathetic life of mine, I won't hear this. If someone tell me this I think it's quite hypocrite for that person to tell me this, I won't believe it 99%.
Human tend to forget the dead after 2-3 years after that person die. I won't expect myself to be remembered. I really want to die off now, yet I am struggling because of my mother.
"Can I leave you mommy? But I don't want you to face all this alone. I am struggling so much that I can't even focus on my studies. I have to worry so much for so many things? Can I stop my agony? Mommy I promise that I will perish with that person if I choose to end everything. Mommy I am not that strong that you think I am, I really love you."
