METALLICA NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

i deliver my deadly speech

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Why compare us with others? What had you done that cause us to be like this? You blame me because I don't go to school, but it's not entirely my fault. I really want to tell you that you let me suffer those emotional stress for more than 5 years. I gave up on myself is because I can't persevere anymore. I can't handle my mom coming in late at night to complain to me about you while I'm studying, and I end up crying. Yet now you are asking me this question, 'you have quite a good brain but why aren't you using it?'. How am I suppose to answer?

You keep on saying that you are innocent of it. But your actions and behavior don't seems to be reflecting it. You deny is because we don't have evidence, it's not that we don't have it's just that we don't want to find. There's something I'm pretty sure which is it'll be the end if we go find it. Due to various conditions we just can't end this kind of relationship.

Who'll ever want to lead such an abnormal life like mine? I can't go out as I wanted I have to stay at home to play psychological warfare. Having to weep quietly and feel my skull to the brink of ripping apart..

So don't ever compare us to others. Because they are in a different condition. It's very unfortunate because I meet you in this life. As I go off one day, I'll bring you with me too to curb the pain they suffer.

Sitting silently in the wind, I can feel myself vanishing.

died off at: 5:48 AM;

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Breakdown again due to long suppressed feelings. Cried for almost half an hour. I doubt no one will ever know why I cried. There are less concerned or I am unable to open up my heart?

Sometimes I really wish that I can be able to go out without having to think and worry about 'something'. Because of it I am only able to go out on Tuesday and Friday.

I may look happy on my appearance but the fact is that I am actually very sad deep inside my heart. For the time being I am only running away from my problems. I am not facing it because I really don't know what should I do. You all did gave me advice but it's easier saying than done. I want to come out of this situation which I let myself in yet I can't. I want to do something but I still have to think about financial condition and this kind of father I have.

Having a dream and being able to achieve it is only for the rich? I have to agree to it for 90%. Because they don't have to worry so much if they are unable to achieve it as they still have their parents as back up. And they are able to achieve it easier even if they are not talented in that area as they can pay for lessons which are very expensive to learn and get training. But for those in the middle class or the poor, they can't afford to fail at all. Because you stake everything you had to get lessons but unable to achieve it. Not only the time you have wasted also the money you stake in will be gone too. Having to restart will be very difficult for them. Even worse is that some of them are unable to get trained at all due to financial condition. So the only way to achieve it is to be very talented or pray for lady luck to be with them.
The conclusion I have is that the rich only need 25% of luck or even lesser to achieve their dream. The rest of the percentage is the talent that they trained themselves to have. For the poor they need 75% or more on luck, sometimes 100% hoping that they are born with the talent or brain.

The above paragraph is solely from my point of view.

When things come to an end, it might marks the end of my life journey too. While waiting for it to end, I hope during this times lady luck will find me and give me some reasons to carry on with this journey of mine.

died off at: 4:32 AM;