Sunday, April 29, 2007
i finally grab a chance to update my blog le!!!
thursday night i really can't fall asleep so the next morning i woke up
then got a bad headache and a bit giddy...
walk to sch already late then i met clara...
so i call my mother for a lot of time then she pick up the phone...
to my surprise she call me to go home instead of going to sch...
she took me to doctor and get mc...
the doctor very nagging keep on calling me to rest and don't stress myself up....
then i never take the english paper one and the chinese oral...
think the english paper i don't need to take le...
as for the chinese oral i don't know can take anot...
yesterday i study until 2am plus like that,
i still thought that it's still very early as i don't feel tired at all...
until i see the time, think i drink too many cup of coffee and tea on that day...
around 5 to 6 cups, don't really remember...
as for today, i went cycling around again...
nxt time i should ask someone along, cuz cycling alone is very sian de...
or like that can be more peaceful and i can relax ba...
today got steamboat for dinner...
but it seems like i am eating alone cuz my father eat a bit than go read newspaper...
my brother eat halfway also go inside his room to msg his fren...
as for my mother she was preparing to go out so she eat a bit then go out le...
always left me alone sitting there...
tml got art...
sian lahz...
really hate art man!!!
haven't finish the final design...
sure will get scolding de...
sian sian sian sian!!!
d&t also...
very very sian...
my bridge was tested le...
can only hold 7.5 kg...
so lousy one....
STRESS AND TIRED!!!
SAD;xueyi
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
yesterday was my mother's birthday...
i never prepare any present to give her cuz
to me it's very difficult for me to give her...
i don't know what's the problem with me...
juz can not do it...but now i am a bit guilty...
yesterday also bought a winnie the pooh with the eeyore cap...
as u can see i am very childish one...
i love donkey a lot because it is like me blur blur one....
recently i am addicted to song by avril lavinge...
especially the song "RUNAWAY" and "WHEN YOU'RE GONE"...
i really feel like running away from the problem i am facing now...
today i come late for sch again, this's the 11th times...
i am afraid that i might get suspension from sch...
which i don't wish to...but i juz can't help it at night i juz cannot fall asleep,
ytd i slept at around 4am...(estimated)
something more worse is that i am asking myself question then ans myself...
i am getting mad!!!sometime i thought i got depression as i had got all of the symptoms...
i am juz too sad and stress that i cried for around 2 hrs...
until my eyes's swollen
i really want to say sry to the peoples who are concern of me...
cuz i juz cut myself again today....i juz can't help with it...
i know that i can't run away from the problem...
i already tried my best to be strong...
but it's toturing me...
i really feel like breaking down...
i also tried my best not to give up on myself...
but everything is not within my control...
for this few days i think i will not be updating as i need to study for my exam!!!!
I AM REALLY VERY TIRED!!!!
SAD;xue yi
Monday, April 23, 2007
today i almost went late for sch juz because of my stupid leg loh...
than today is the testing day for the d&t bridge...
but my bridge haven't test yet...
when i see the bridge of other group broke i feel like screaming...
so scary one...
today was the worst day for this week cuz got the two subject that i hate
for today...
during the art period i was feeling very stress...
cuz i tink i am useless, i can't do things well...
and the teachers in the sch juz cannot understand the situation i am in now...
or they doesn't even want to know....or care abt me...
even if i die no one will care also...or they won't even notice it...
i am invisible like that....
there's no difference whether i am exist or i m not in this world...
then i stay in school until 4.50 pm like that...
cuz of the stupid rain but
one of the reason is that i don't want to go home...
so i stay in sch to finish the art drawing of the stupid frog...
luckily got clara to accompany me or else i will be bored to death...
but she also go home after the rain stop and left me alone...
SAD;xue yi
Sunday, April 22, 2007
today i go for my morning run, than after that i go 800+ there to eat...
than i tink i saw the school counselor but she never saw me...
wa kao after the morning run my whole body ache more le...
now i walk a bit like handicapped...
but exercise is also gd for health de...
i can not guarantee that i won't hurt myself...
but i will try my best to stop myself...
but it seem like this is beyond of my control...
my mind keep on telling me to let out my stress in this way...
now i still haven't finish the art work...
that stupid frog loh...
draw draw draw...until like shit like that...
than my mummy still say very cute...
i really don't know why i worry so much for a lot of things...
i should have a brain wash...
and wash away all my memories except those
happy memories that i had...including all my dear friends...
tml need to test the bridge for d&t liao...
tink it's going to break easily de...
cuz zi xuan and i do it last minute and with the help of clara also...
so i really want to say THK U VERY MUCH to her...
she really had help me in a lot of things...
LIFE REALLY SUX!!!
SAD;xue yi
Saturday, April 21, 2007
today i came out late from my house than late for the cross country run...
luckily when i arrived they still haven't start...
than still got a lot of people late also...
at first i thought that i won't make it to the first 100th cuz everyone
is like squeeze into a whole chunk than i was lagging behind...
but at the half of the race the people who run very fast all start to walk le
than i overtake them so i got 20th improve by one position as compared to last year...
clara got 30th also improve by one position nia...
ytd i slept at around 3+am so today i was feeling very tired...
now my leg muscle start to ache a bit le...
i really hate art and d&t!!!
so now i still owe mrs lia the art pieces
and the worksheet for d&t!!!
if nxt year i choose this two subject, i must be an idiot then...
if only i really had got no choice but to choose this...
but even for the worst i will be retain!!!!
which i don't want to!!!
so i must very very hard for my science and english....
so my dear friends if you are very good in this two subject than u muz coach me!!!
i will thk u for a 100000 times de...
my heart will really feel gratitude for those people who had help me....
i notice that this few mths i m starting to lose my temper easily
and cry more often than usual...
so i really want to say sry to the peoples which i hurt them when
i lose my temper...
i will try to control my temper ba....
i am really feeling very very stress and tired!!!!
HATRED FOR MY LIFE!!!!
SAD;xue yi
Friday, April 20, 2007
hey guys!!!
so sry long time never write blog le so my blog look atrocious!!!
tml got the cross country run
got confidence to win???
to be frank i am not ready for that
cause long time never train le!!!
hope that tml can acheive something for the class ba...
this few mths i don't understend why i getting more and more no confidence...
i m really very tired of living,
my mind can not rest at night keep on thinking and thinking...
sometime i really feel like taking a pen-knife and end my pathetic life...
exam is around the corner le...
i am very very worry that i will fail
and that's because i am afraid to disappoint my mother.
i don't know why i care so much for my mother...but not my father and my brother
i asked myself for a lot of time why's the world always so unfair...
what's the answer??? can anyone answer me???
looking at the photos which i took over the years i found my happy memories but not now...
life's really full of sorrow...
SAD;xue yi
