Sunday, July 29, 2007
alright it's so sian for the whole day...
got tuition...
then late then kena nagging...
at there my kor told me to buy bread then after that say don't need...
making me so blur...
then he went home first...
now i am doing the hist hw...
doing the Lee kuan yew and the S. rajaratnam...
i never bring back my eng ws...
sure die de tml...
think i will get shouting or scolding...
ok i am soooooo stupid!!!
unforgivable...
i think tml is going to be a bad day...
i predict it....
hope that's not true...
rather die than to be unhappy...
ok got to stop le...
or else can't finish the hw then tml no need to live...
SAD;xue yi
Friday, July 27, 2007
today the whole day was damn lame...
like got nothing to do...
(live for no purpose)
alright today our class is having the last "family time" with mr teo...
so he gave us chocolate and lolipop...
i love lolipop!!!
i felt that our class is so bad...
as we always never behave and make the teachers angry for almost everytime...
today wasn't a damn good day for me...
in fact is everyday also not good at all...
why???
that's because i accidentally deleted a document which i had prepared for
almost the whole week...
and i can't find it now plus i never do a back up...
frustrated!!!
i am so stupid!!!
after i had choir but i went late for it...
cuz i stayed back to finish the eng journal writing...
if i never hand in i think she will scold me....
well we prepare the national day...
so lame...
ms tan say that we are suppose to lead the whole sch to sing...
and i find that a bit stupid, cuz we are not in pri ach but sec sch...
as if there's people is going to sing...
after choir i went to ntuc to buy twisties then i met kimie...
then went back home...
no one is at home...
BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
got to stop le!!!!
SAD;xue yi
Thursday, July 26, 2007
ytd went to that singapore poly...
had that stupid treasure hunt...
the sch was damn big...
my team manage to complete it in time...
even though we never win anything...
but at least we completed it...
i juz started playing war bears...
it's like kind of stupid to play...
but it's damn challenging to play...
(www.warbears.com)
muz go and play...
if you can solve that mission please tell me...
cuz i don't really have the time finish it...
alright today i really felt very stress this morning...
don't feel like talking...
oh yes! almost forget that this morning mdm fauziah catch zi xuan and my
skirt again...
i don't see that it's wrong to wear short skirt in sch...
when there's still a lot girls wearing skirt which is shorter than mine...
but no point saying that as it's sch rules, so i can't change it...
the lit test was cancelled...
but it become TA2...
all the tests are comin soon...
so i need to focus 100% in class...(i will try to do that)
life really sux to core!!!
having to face all kind of experiences from the day i am born until now...
i know that i am reluctant to face it but i really hate it...
really got to stop my rubbish...
you may dump everything that you read into the rubbish bin!!!
SAD;xue yi
Monday, July 23, 2007
alright ytd went for my tuition and i was late for around 30mins...
the stupid bus so long then come...
i felt so stupid for the whole day...
it was so boring...
let me talk abt today ba...
i almost late for sch today...
i am so lucky that i am not limping now, or else i will be late...
today that mr vaahid was back sch...
he said that he is going back for his army tingy for another 2 wks...
wa lao then might as well call him change another teacher to teach us...
now no choice le...
die die muz study very hard to pass the hist exam and test...
alright i know that i have to believe that i can do it...
even though it's hard for me to convince myself...
now i have to study as hard as i can...
so as to pass all the exams with flying colours...
today stayed back in sch to do the math ws with eliz and clara...
i don't know why i keep on repeating that i am damn stupid...
eliz was quite angry when she heard me saying myself stupid...
so i tried my best to stop saying it...
eliz went home first...
i still rmb that when i am talking with clara abt the streaming...
she suddenly bcome very hot-tempered...
alright so i stop talking and went staring at the field...
now i don't know which class i should choose...
i have no confidence...
but all i know is that i should believe that i can do it...
no matter how hard i will convince myself...
i decide to start revising all chapters for all the subjects frm tml onwards...
SAD;xue yi
Saturday, July 21, 2007
ytd ran that 2.4 km and had that stupid gastric pain...
i really have to agreed that i am damn stubborn...
i juz wanna say sry to clara abt my stubbornness...
really got to change myself (si bei difficult)
went for that meet the parent tingy...
but of course my parent never come...
as if they really care abt it...
i don't what to say about the sch for changing that subject combination tingy...
after knowing that they change the 3e4 i went really very stress...
i chose 3e4 and got in for the streaming is bcuz i no need to take triple science
i juz want that A maths that's all...
now 3e3 and 3e4 is the same le...
during that meet the parent tingy...
it make me confirm that majority of the parents
only care the result that their child is producing but not their feelings...
thinking of that make feel that this world is too cold...
after that i went to the toilet...
start punching and kicking the wall...
if there's no one i will knock my head against it...
i should have bring my penknife along...
so stupid of me...
STRESS
HATRED
SCARE
FEAR
NO CONFIDENT
i really doubt myself whether if i can do it...
after that i stroll back home...
i went to the playground to sit at the swing...
started crying...
i juz need to calm myself down...
so as to act as if there's nothing happen to me when my parent see me...
and i manage to do that...
i could actually smile in front of them...
but once i got into my room i started to cry again...
anyway i have to go for tuition tml...
sian lah...
i told myself not to give up on myself...
but it's damn difficult until i feel like
probably self-destruction suit me most...
SAD;xue yi
Thursday, July 19, 2007
tues had choir prac again...
so sian...
actually i wanted to pon but nvm i will juz go ba...
that was damn sian...
do the breathing stuff and "ah ah ah....la la la...."
whatever lah...
still got vocal test like that loh...
they let us of 5.30pm...
so i can't loiter loh...
or else i will definitely go car park there and sit...
alright my hp become siao le...
so can't sms or call anyone...
almost die because of that...
i am damn desperate to use my hp!!!
ytd was Racial Harmony Day...
we were suppose to wear another races costume,
so as to help our class to score...
i knew that most of our classmates don't give a damn about it...
so i juz give up on them...
so i lent an indian suit from eliz to wear...
all eight of us: clara, eliz, kim, renu, tina, ching yee, lam yan, mardiah and me
were late...
all of us decided to stay in the toilet...
anyway i was very peh seh for the whole day...
until clara and i changed back to our uni then i was relief...
today clara never come...
alright it's ok...
today F&N we baked cake...
that hua yang left me to wash everything...
but it's ok...i wasn't that petty
i went break down again during the eng period...
i don't know why i cry, i told myself not to cry again in class but i fail
to do so...
mdm fauziah talks to me until i thought of something and started to cry...
at around 5pm i help ms Lim to tie the piece of paper...
onto the lollipop...
and went back home at around 5.30pm...
well i juz want to remind everyone that my stupid bday is coming...
26 more days....
well i am not hoping that it will come...
because i am afraid that it will be a bad memory for me...
HATRED!!!
SAD;xue yi
Monday, July 16, 2007
fri i had tuition...
that day i never eat before going tuition...
so i was feeling a bit giddy then i cross the stupid road
i almost get knock by a car...
tuition tuition it seems like everyday got tuition...
the weekend was so boring...
nothing to do...
why i got nothing???
yes, i know why that's becuz i am juz a good for nothing and useless person...
ytd i tried to ride my bike...
and i can ride it...
but the problem is that my knee the joint still hurts...
hack cares abt it...
as if i care alot for myself...
i don't give a damn for my life....
you want my life then you take it...
today wasn't very good day...
should be everyday the same...
alright this morning got science test but too bad i forgot to bring my
sci t/b back home so i never study...
i sure fail de...
every test also like that...
i am juz stupid...
no more confidence...
alright this morning mr chaw say that he would call
the late comers parent and of course i am one of them...
during recess i went to knowledge zone there to sit alone...
i juz need to be alone for a while....
after sch we were not suppose to stay back in sch for today...
so i went loitering around...
so i decided to sit at the staricase near the food palace there...
then i went back to food palace to buy a drink...
when i sat down then i notice ms kanni, mr silva and still got one more teacher
don't who is she...
then i almost choke by my saliva...
i juz know that mr chaw actually called my father but not my mother...
damn it...
that was not what i expected...
i don't know i should hate him or what...
i think he told my father something like if i late a lot again
then i will get counselling..
funny cya!!!
I DON'T WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, BUT
WHY DO YOU ALL GET TO KNOW IT???
SHOULD I BLAME IT TO SOMEONE ELSE OR MYSELF???
I REALLY HATE YOU ALL!!!
DO YOU THINK YOU ALL REALLY KNOW ME THAT WELL...
4EVER FAKING SMILE...
SAD;xue yi
Thursday, July 12, 2007
tues i had the F&N test...
think i am going to fail...
anyway it's over so i can't do anything about it also...
alright i had choir prac after sch...
now the choir instructor was changed to a woman...
i thought that she's going to call ask to sing a song...
cuz the choir committee say so...
so i prepared a song by fish leong( 梁静茹) call 失忆 (lost of memory)
but in the end she never ask us to sing the song that we prepared...
she taught us some basic breathing technique cuz we were lousy at that...
she call some people to come out and sing the SYF set piece...
and i was chosen by her to sing, so unlucky...
i should had sing softer when she pick peoples...
went home after that...
ytd took the math test...
i was so scare that my hands turn cold and started to shiver...
after that test i don't know what i am talking about...
went a bit crazy...
after sch i went to the knowledge zone with clara...
we sat down there and start chatting...
and she left at 3 plus...
but i don't feel like going back home...
so i stayed back and started to read the hist t/b...
frm chap 1 i read to chap 4 then ms kanni came...
ok then i left the sch around 4.45pm
had lit for today...
so we discuss the project...
i think we don't have the time to finish it...
cuz mdm irmawati call the whole class to finish it by mon...
today the mr vaahid never come to sch!!!
so happy cya!!!
when the relief teacher came in, the whole class cheered...
after that we went for our F&N class...
we bake the sardine pastries...
after that it was eng, my group managed to finish the project...
after that went to cs and tm with clara...
meet her sis too...
blah blah then go home loh...
this few days, i don't know why my hands keep on shivering and turn cold easily...
but this is ok...
the prob is that sometime i am still coughing... (it's been 1 month+)
ok i got to stop all my nonsenses!!!
I AM TRYING TO STOP MYSELF FROM HATING YOU!!!BUT WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME TO HATE YOU MORE???
SAD;xue yi
Monday, July 9, 2007
today i went mad again...
damn it in the morning that ng and vanan keep on calling us to run...
so clara they all ran first...
i was still limping so i couldn't go very fast...
then still muz sit down on the floor, then i put my leg straight...
when i get up i could only use one hand to get up...
and it's so difficult to do that...
and one more thing is that in the morning still need to see the mr vaahid
face...
still rmb that he wore like a bus driver ytd...
so funny cya!!!
anyway today his teaching also sux!!!
don't know what to say about him...
clara was laughing at his forehead then i join her...
but we didn't went mad...
recess went to knowledge zone with renuka and clara to
study the lit book as we thought there's test, but in the end there's
no test...
and one more thing is that ms hidaya came into our class and told
us that there's oral...
then i was like kind of shock by it and felt very unhappy about it...
but after recess the ms nadai came in and told us that it's postponed
to this fri...
then i was relief...
why am i so afraid of it because i am not prepared and had no confident...
now i am afraid of every test or exam...
like for example i never fail my maths and i get A1 for almost every time...
but i am still afraid that i will fail...
my confident was gone bcuz of our the words that hurt me too deep...
who will know the pain i had now???
the things that i experienced, the chances of people
experiencing it was low...
so why god choose me to go through this kind of things???
sometime life's too stress to carry on...
making me wanted to give up, but why there's people stopping me to
end it???
my existence doesn't a make a difference in this world...
anyway i went mad again...
today i laugh like hell when there's nothing really damn funny for me to laugh...
clara laugh i will also laugh...
we stayed back in sch...
she teach me the graph tingy cuz i miss it when i am absence...
blah blah blah...
got to stop...
addicted to the song-NEVER AGAIN by kelly clarkson
SAD;xue yi
Saturday, July 7, 2007
now it's not holiday so i don't really have the time to blog...
i need to straighten my leg for a week...
even if i am not bending my knee that stupid knee of mine will still hurt...
sprain my wrist also...
sometime i think that life has given too much pain, psychologically or physically...
until a point i wanted to give up...
i felt very sorry for not celebrating tina's bday with her on 5th of july...
because of my stupid knee loh...
nvm now i wish her a very belated bday...
i really have to comment about the history teacher. he SUX ok!!!
the whole class don't know what the hell he's teaching...
but i think except en cai ba..he's a genius...
if he's going to continue and teach us, i think almost the whole class will fail
the exam...
i am panicking now for my history...
i am not a person who doesn't give a damn about my studies,
even though i look like i don't...
if i fail my exam and doesn't promote to the next level,
i don't know what i will do to myself...
to me exam fail is end of everything...
i am tired of the lifestyle i am leading...
really felt very useless...
hopeless
unwanted by a lot of people...
what is the feeling of being real happy...
when i am feeling happy there will be 10% of sadness there...
or totally zero equals to acting happy...
tml had to go kong meng shan there to pray for my grandpa...
then after that i think my family is going to my grandma hse...
so sian...
they will be talking hokkien again then if my grandma
is going to ask me question i will going to be nodding my head
or saying "arx" or "ya"...
ytd night i went for tuition...
my tuition teacher gave me $10 for me to take taxi
back home whn the tuition end...
i got a shock by that...
he' s a good teacher but he love to nag but i already get used to it...
SAD;xue yi
Monday, July 2, 2007
alright so long never blog le...
cuz i don't feel like blogging with my leg so pain...
so stupid of me to fall down on fri during the 2.4km run...
actuall before the run i can sense that i might fall down during the run
and it really happen...
so stupid of me to trip over a stone...
ching yee, zi xuan n faizah bring me to the toilet
to clean my wound...whn ching yee was about to clean,
i will scream like someone is going to kill me...
and i can't control my mouth so i said "what the fuck"...
and i still need to stay back for the choir's instructor farewell party...
a lot of people cried...
i managed to hold my tears back...
but once i reach home i cry like hell...
for the past two nights i can't sleep very well cuz my knee
hurts like hell...
i sleep halfway i would wake up with tears and sweat...
it's unbearable until i need to take ice pack to place it around the area...
think i got infection...
some part of the wound turns yellow...
juz now i had my lunch but after that i feel like throwing up...
guess when's mine first operation???
it's a minor one...
and that's when i am 8mths old...
look at my face and try to spot the scars it's still on my face
but not very obvious...
SAD;xue yi
someone that i don't know e-mail me this article. and i totally agree
with this article...but i post part of it only...
Words are very important. Words can heal and words can harm. Words can hurt grievously and for a long time. The tongue can bless and the tongue can curse. It is very important for us to control our words and tame our tongue when we are angry. Many times, when we are angry we say the most atrocious things. We forget ourselves and become indifferent to what we say. We blast the other person without mercy, although we may not mean those words. But words once spoken cannot be taken back and it takes a long time to forgive and forget. We have to exercise self-control. Many couples are particularly prone to such outbursts when they get mad. But it is not an easy thing to control our tongue when we are provoked, boiled over with anger or have outburst of wrath. It is at such time that we have to learn to hold our tongue and to remain silent. If we can’t tame our tongue, we have to take a break or go for a walk to cool off. It is much easier to control the words before the blow-up than during the explosion.
Uncontrollable words spoken in anger can have devastating effect. Angry words, that are used unthinkingly, such as “I don’t care,” ”I can’t be bothered,” “I don’t need you,” or “you can go to hell” cause pain and feelings of rejection. They give rise to insecurity. The unmeant and foolish words contain full of deadly poison and can play havoc in the mind. The unruly words get churned over for hours on end and create their worst mischief in a difficult relationship. It can take a very long time to forgive what was said. Let us learn to turn away from angry words before they leave our mouth and try to say healing words instead. Father Henri Nouwen said, “It is so important to choose our words wisely. When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent. Words spoken in rage will make reconciliation very hard. Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses, often starts by choosing to remain silent or choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.”
We must also be very careful that in our anger we do not label our children with ugly names such as fat, stupid, snake, pig, moron, ‘kay-poh’(busy-body), useless, good for nothing. Such negative words can do harm to them for years to come! Henri Nouwen said, “When we say to someone, ‘You are an ugly, useless, despicable person,’ we might have ruined the possibility for a relationship with that person for life. Words can continue to do harm for many years.”
SAD;xue yi
died off at: 5:40 PM;
