Monday, August 27, 2007
this few days was quite sad and boring for me...
hearing things that really hurts me deeply...
why muz i pretend that i heard nothing???
should i hate u or myself???
i think i am to be blame for everything that i did...
i am always wrong...
things that i do all never went smoothly...
take projects for an example...
it's always dragging...
i always don't have the time...
because of tuition or personal probs...
why am i so useless???
sometimes i feel that i am unwanted...
i am like a piece of rubbish, but mayb i am worse than a piece of rubbish
bcos some rubbish can be recycled...
today i come late to sch again...
late bcos, i think a lot then can't control my emotion anymore...
so as i walk i start to cry....(i think a lot of ppl on the street tink i siao ba)
stupid me!!!
after om (old man aka mr tan, wakakasss!!!jk jk...so bad of me)let me go...
i went to the toilet cry until enough then walk back to class...
no one realise it...
i am a good faker!!!
even though my heart is hurting like hell...
i still can laugh like as if i am really very happy...
anyway today i stayed in class after school to deco the class loh...
stayed until quite late then go serve RR...
sit they cut paper loh...
then Jasmine sit in front of me loh...
so sian...
today early dimiss...
then clara come...
after a while that hui peng(1n2) also come...
then i walk them to a certain distance then go home loh...
hui peng behave like les lyk that loh...
gtg le...
i can hear a bit kpkb outside the room...
SAD;xue yi
Thursday, August 23, 2007
finally i can spare a little time to blog le...
but after that muz log off and be a guai kia go study...
math tml loh...
i am some kind of nervous...
SCARED!!!
sometimes i really can feel that my brain is going to burst!!!
(it's impossible bcos nobody had died bcos of brain bursting itself)
sometimes i am really very stupid...
i never think properly before i decide anything...
then until i regret it then it is too late...
so i have to just accept it...
saying "no" to someone is also a difficult task for me...
that's why sometimes i really have to question myself
whether is this particular person using me for its benefit...
i really have to learn how to say 'no' to a person...
becos sometimes people ask me to do a wrong thing i will also go and do it...
stupid rite???
today after sch i went to ntuc with cy and zx...
we were laughing at the guard there....
i mean the guard were not wearing the uniform ones...
it's so bad of us to laugh at him...
but that's bcos the way he walk andd the clothes he
were wearing was kind of funny and weird...
after that i went to cy hse...
bcos i never bring my key again!!!
ytd me went to fp outside there sit and read the notes...
then today her hse which is better loh...
nothing much to do there...
then go home le loh...
today i discovered something which make me very confuse...
it's better to know lesser than to know too much...
gtg le..
have to bcome a guai kia or else if i fail i will blame myself forever!!!
SAD;xue yi
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
i think i am too busy to write anymore...
haven't finsh typing the history notes!!!
then later still need to study for sci tml!!!
SAD;xue yi
Monday, August 20, 2007
today came to sch late again!!!
i think i got some problem with going to sch puntually...
might as well die le ba!!!
actually i want to pon sch de but mr vahhid say got test then
can't take it if i don't have a valid reason...
then go in loh...
stand there like a statue like that...
wa lao today got quite a lot of people late loh...
but go back class then i know that the test is change to thu!!!
tmd...or else i pon le loh...
nvm...
but i went a bit mad during lit...
tmd...
mdm irmawati took away my pen-knife loh...
i was actually a bit angry...
but it's ok...
i still got a lot at home...
hack cares abt this pathetic pen-knife...
i think mdm fauziah was quite fed up with me abt it...
but it's ok de loh...
no one will care abt me...
so why i care so much for what???
she was like put all the blame to the class loh...
that's what i heard frm clara...
if that's true...
i think firstly i need to tell her that this's my prob not other ppl...
who can control my mind to do what???
obviously it's me ok...
i really can feel that i am such a let down...
for everthing i did...
i juz did it all wrong...
i don't what were the things that i did it correctly...
seriously i am damn confused by everyone in this world....
i don't know what is wrong with my brain...
to be dead is better than living...
got to serve RR after sch...
so sian loh...
no one pei me...
now i really want to say sry...
bcos sometime i really can't control my temper then i start to scold people...
i think on one can tolerate my temper ba...
gtg le my father start to kpkb...!!!
confusion landed on my head!!!
SAD;xue yi
Saturday, August 18, 2007
ytd was not a good day...
morning got art loh...
1 word to describe it: sian!!!
but i got excused for one period...
and what's more is that...
the knowledge was very dark and damn windy in the morning...
i was kind of freak out by it...
memories flashed back...
PE: played badminton for a while...
after recess clara like got mood swing like that loh...
give me attitude sia...
but nvm as if i care like that...
i already said before i can tolerate everything...
but you don't let me burst will do...
bcos i don't what i will do...
suicide?
become siao???
=.-
after sch i stayed at the classroom loh...
to finish the english ws...
then straight away go for choir...
never take lunch but it's ok i am not feeling hungry...
i rather faint then getting scolding frm mdm fauziah...
bcuz her voice really can blast into my ear and it will like make
me deaf...
life isn't really very important to me...
after choir went to knowledge zone to finish the lit project
de reflection...
never contribute a lot then i will do the reflection loh...
but i think all i write is nonsense and crap...
that captain hardcastle like got nothing to learn frm him...
so i think all i wrote were nonsense...
and i finished the NE reflection also...
then i counted how many people had handed up...
and it was juz the pathetic 16 peoples...(included me)
not even half the class...
i think this is like from bad to worst already...
especially the guys...
our behaviour sux...
like got nothing good like tat...
today got tuition loh...
i don't what to say abot my teacher loh...
i think sarcastic is the best word ba...
SAD;xue yi
Thursday, August 16, 2007
i juz need time to cool down myself!!!
heart felt full of anger!!!
today walk to sch then met phoebe and zx...
we walk in together loh...
every morning i always hope that mdm fauziah will not appear...
but she always appear de loh...
then almost every time i see her i need to pull down my skirt...
or else she will shout "JENNIFER!!!" then blah blah blah...
anyway ytd i was lucky loh...
during assembly, she only focus on my tie and fringe nia...
never see my skirt!!! =D
alright my temper wasn't damn good...
history that time need to do grp work then i was feeling
very stress over somethings and there's anger inside my heart...
until eliz n clara talk abt the camera...
so we asked cy they all abt the camera...
then they gave us the reply until i lost my temper and started
shouting...
but not very loud...
they don't really know how fierce i can be when i lost my temper...
today was like 30% only...
luckily i never scold cb, nb, fucker all this kind of vulgar language...
even though i really feel like saying this out but i manage to control...
i think they don't have common sense...
the camera belongs to renuka...
then she's our grp member loh...
she lend them the cam for two days already then still
haven't start using...
what really made me angry was that...
they said that renuka said that she only lend to them
and told them not lend to others...
but the word 'others' don't refer to her own group loh...
where got people so stupid lend others
the cam to complete the work then don't want to lend
your own grp(if there's tis kind of ppl rite...i tink tis person sld call BLOODY IDIOT)...
then cy they all still say return back to us tml...
what for???when the due date is tml...
they thought what i tml don't have cca arx!!!???
a lot of time is it????
after sch i stayed back again...
do stupid hw loh...
no lah should be i stupid...
STRESS
USELESS
ANGRY
SAD;xue yi
died off at: 8:52 PM;
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
can see my leg!!!
my smile is too fake le!!!
so sian de!!!long time never blog le...ytd my stupid bday loh!!!
got a couple of presents...
got donkey(eeyore!!!) n doggy soft toy...then still got necklace...blah blah...went for cca ytd...and it's very sian loh...
keep on singing the same song over and over again...choir end at around 6pm...then i went loitering around...
after that i had dinner with my family at seoul garden restaurant...after that we went to see the oven and mixer...all for baking de...
while my parent was talking fei hua with the person there...then i called clara to talk 'crap' and 'nonsense' loh(my favourite is to talk nonsense)...reach home at around 10 pm+ ba....today went to tm again...but today i went to cut my hair loh (i miss my fringe!!!)...wakakass...
seriously i miss my fringe!!!i don't want people to see my face so i use myfringe to cover my face...went home at 7pm+taken some pic today...as u can see on top...gtg le...my father start kp le!!!SAD;xue yi
Saturday, August 11, 2007
had a damn lame national day...
si bei sian loh...
nvm used to it le...
then ytd hor...
in the morning i went out with my mother to catch a movie...
actually i want to watch the movie ALONE but in the morning don't
have this movie then my mother decided to watch RUSH HOUR 3...
it was quite funny...
especially the guy tucker
i like the end of the movie got NG scenes(cuz it's like kind of funny)...
i still remember jackie chan said 'cheese' instead of 'freeze'...
after that we went walking around cs and tm...
i bought both shirt and short from ice lemon tee...
after that i accompany my mother to the bank loh...
met my neighbour there...
then very unlucky loh also met both the green and purple freak...
not really freak lah but always seen them one wearing green
then another one wear purple...
actually still got one more girl but i don't really rmb what
she usually wears...
they always behave arrogantly or bitchy and i sort of irritated by them..
today i can felt that i am so stupid...
but nvm don't talk abt it...
because i can feel that i am already such an idiot already then if
i say...
it will make me feel more stupid...
but anyway tml still got math tuition...
8 am start...
then it's a bit far away frm my stupid hse so muz wake up
early also...
now i find that the eeyore that my mother bought for me,
the hair really look like medaline de hair...
but anyway i long time never see her le...
last time seeing her is at tm de mac, if i am not wrong ba...
got to stop my rubbish le...
SAD;xue yi
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
today in the early morning my day was spoil
by my "personal prob"...
it make me lost my temper...
i told myself not to slash again...
but why can't i do it...
there's no point making a promise to myself...
i went late to sch...
and it's really damn late 8.10 am reached sch...
the om say my reason is not a valid one...
ok everything is my fault...
that om call me to see mr silva but in the end i never...
when i walk in i went broke down again...
why can't i control it??????
they say that they will explain but in the end there's no one explaining for me...
nvm i don't mind that everything is my fault can...
i deserved it...
probably i deserve to die also...
now i am awaiting for my punishment...
recovery rm also can...
whatever i don't care le...
killing me also can...
bcuz i already don't care for my life already...
whatever i do are all wrong...
everyone is correct but not me...
i am at fault...
SRY to everyone...
sometimes i felt that my life was too eventful until i want to give up...
it's like a kind of psychologically torturing to me...
today got the food & fun fair tingy...
i felt so bad for not helping them to prepare the food...
but in the end i go with cy they all go sell the food...
muz keep on saying thk u...
until i like no breathe like that...
after sch i stayed back a while to do the art...
then went to fp to buy a drink...
met ms kanni...
then i went to the staircase and car park to sit...
when i walked back home i met cy at near my hse that
playground...
actually when i am walking back home i was feeling a bit giddy...
faint also nvm de...
it's not the first time...
got to stop le...
or else later got people start to kp...
SAD;xue yi (hatred)
Monday, August 6, 2007
sat had math tuition again...
learn quadratic graph wa lao the stupid ruler very difficult to bend loh...
spent a long time to do the questions...
sian sian sian...
everyday's the same one...
living with no purpose...
at noon eliz and clara went to the playground at my hse there...
they brought the camera and bread...
then there was that indian girl around 3 to 4 yrs old ba...
she damn funny cya...
she told eliz that she want to see...
then our question was that "what you want to see???"
then in the end we finally know what she talking she was saying sit...
then i lent clara my stupid bike to ride...
alright my mother bought a donkey soft toy(eeyore) for me...
the size is like a three year old kid...
and that's my bday present...
i don't why i felt very guilty towards everything...
i think that everything that i do was wrong...
why am i so lousy???
i can't help thinking that i am inferior as compared to others...
i am really lost in this confusing world!!!
why am i living???
i really don't feel like cherishing this stupid life of mine!!!
today i was damn angry with renuka...
everything also cannot...
alright i don't give a damn abt her...
but she really let me scold a lot of vulgar language today...
and today i also have make the stupid cartoon sound...
make me feel that i am an idiot and make me feel stupid also...
8 more days to my pathetic bday...
thinking of it make me feel scare of it...
i got to stop already...
because there's someone start to kpkb already...
SAD;xue yi
Thursday, August 2, 2007
this few day really sux to core...
ytd went for the BITC then reach home at 6.30 pm like that...
bake a cold set cheese cake...
it was quite fun to mix the mixture and...
overall it was fun to be there...
it taste quite nice also...
probably i bake my bday cake on my bday ba...
LAME!!! -.=
ya hor clara ytd keep on saying "baka baka!!!"
and laugh like hell also...
today recess i went to knowledge zone to sit there alone...
then had lit...
then hist again...
the test was cancelled but i don't postpone to when...
she never tell us abt it...
then we went for the photo taking...
i was surprise that mr teo came...
after that i rush to the f&n lesson...
me and kim was in a mess when we were cooking...
but we still manage to finish it...
after sch i stayed back with cy,ly and tina for a while...
i want to finish the eng draft 2...
then they go first so i go look for zx...
she was doing her project...
after her grp finish the project i "help" them by drinking the
soft drink which was left after doing it...
sometimes i don't understand why human can change a lot
over a short period of time...
if they change into a better person it's good...
but become bad then this is really a real big prob to me...
i once post that words can heal or hurt a person...
and i think that this also applys to being able to control your temper too...
i agreed that i am a person sometimes with a damn bad temper...
so i should change myself...
being able to change oneself is also a damn difficult task...
i think i have to stop le or else my father will start to kpkb!!!
SAD;xue yi
