i deliver my deadly speech
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
monday was really really bored!!!
stayed at home for the whole day until my tuition start...
further more the living room's door is closed...
my mother doesn't want me to open it...
but in the end i was the one staying at the living room...
it was very dark...
really feel like dying...
there's nothing for me to do...
watching tv was bored as there's nothing nice to watch...
this feeling is like trying to kill me...
i walk from the kitchen then back to my room...
feeling very frustrated with myself...
sometime i feel like taking a lot of painkillers that i bought and i could die...
looking down from the window inside my room...
thinking about a lot of things that change from the past till now...
ytd went to the S'pore expo hall to the food festival with my mother...
shouldn't have go cuz i need to help her take a lot of things...
until my muscle ache now...
walk walk walk...
like got nothing to do...
long time never go out with my family...
i had already forgotten when did we had our breakfast together...
the memories had already faded, and there's only shadow filling in my heart
as the love is gone...
is the world juz filled with coldness???
i went home and found out that i lost my english holiday hw...
i am juz a totally useless person...
even some pieces of worksheet also can't keep it...
today go to sch for the YMCA briefing...
i thought that i need to wait for clara after that cuz she got training...
but it was cancelled so i no need to wait for her...
we went to mac after that...
and there came izyan and shamimi...
i don't know what happen to clara after they came...
she kept on laughing non-stop...
i say one sentence she will laugh like hell...
after that we went to tm and century square...
i bought a pair of earring a letter "x" and "y"...
then we went walking around...
then went home...
i juz don't understand the reason for a person to live...
sometime i thought that some of my friends is juz making use of me...
and they think that i can't sense it...
when i was in pri sch...
people juz make use of me juz because they are short of people
to play games...
i was being left out in class when i was in pri 6...
they never thought about how i felt...
the hurt kept inside my heart for two years...
i am still wondering why...
i am willing to change but you all juz never tell me what's wrong...
i never had a happy childhood...
i confess that i was jealous of them...
they got love from people but they juz don't know how to appreciate...
for now i was still being left out too...
even though it was better then the years when i was in
my pri sch...
i am fear of living...
i am feeling insecure...
i am afraid that the world might change totally after i wake up in the
morning...
i treasure my friends a lot...
but still afraid that one day they might leave me suddenly...
i always thought that i am strong but in fact i am not...
i hate to fake a smile and act as if i had gone crazy like laughing the whole day...
i hate to laugh in front of my family even though i was feeling sad...
i cried every night...
i am juz an useless person...
SAD;xue yi
died off at: 9:14 PM;
